value of communication

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I’ve always believed that communication (which of course entails listening as well as talking), is like the rope bridge that bridges the gap between people. This brings us into relationship with each other. However I happened to read a Harvard Business Review the other day and focused on an interview with psychologist John M. Gottman called ‘Making Relationships Work’.

Communication

What really got my interest was that he said ‘Good relationships aren’t about clear communication – they’re about small moments of attachment and intimacy.’  Gottman is the executive director of the Relationship Research Institute or as it is commonly called the ‘Love Lab’. He apparently has done heaps of scientific research on couples and this has what has brought him to this conclusion.

Communication gap

I have to say that I disagree with him. I have found with clients and friends that communication is the thing that keeps a relationship functioning even through tough times. Most clients who come to me after having broken up with a partner or in the process of breaking up with a partner are usually not communicating with their partner. I have seen other couples who keep communicating in spite of difficulties and who are able to move through that phase. If there is no communication, then ‘small moments of attachment and intimacy’ cannot occur. I guess it’s a matter of what comes first the chicken or the egg? i.e., the communication or the small moments of attachment & intimacy?

Communications Dept

Communication of course consists of listening, along with assertive talking and are required skills for relationship 101. These skills do not come naturally but require a little education. You can read a little about these skills and get some training in them from someone who is already skilled in them. I figure if everyone had these skills then we wouldn’t have anymore wars, as we could all work things out with each other. Even the politicians!

Elephant in tree

Once you have a handle on these skills, they only require commitment to using them. The bonus of using them is that your confidence increases on every use. You will feel confident about handling almost any interaction with others. Of course the reality is that most communication is a bit like the YouTube video following called ‘Smoke Screen’. We are not clear ourselves in what we are saying & we don’t listen carefully to the other person. This contributes to general confusion and a sense of living in our own version of reality whilst appearing to be in a ‘coupled reality.’

Here’s a great video called ‘Smokescreen’ that evokes how we don’t really communicate with each other.  Enjoy……

YouTube Preview Image

 

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» 2 Comments
  • http://blog.truecolours.ie Mary Varilly

    So you know what became of the ugly duckling? A beautiful swan, of course! And do you now sail majestically across the waters of life (all the while with webbed feet working furiously below the surface!)?

    Perhaps your Mum called you that not so much for you not to be competition for her, but rather because she was very likely seeing how much you resembled her and projecting her own lack of self-love and self-acceptance on to you… And little children do tend to see their Mum’s as beautiful, if only the Mums would!

    Happy Christmas!

  • http://www.stretch-mark-cure.info/ revitol stretch mark cream

    Communication Skills are so important nowadays…..we live in the communication age….but it’s in the form of technology which alienates us from interacting face to face and so we become less sociable and more impatient! Communication skills should be introduced in schools as a subject on all on its own, it’s pertinent if we want our children not to lose the value of communication.