the competitive urge

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how competitive are you in a partnership? This is an important issue for matching couples because we all have individual requirements for outlet of the competitive urge in intimate relationships. It’s OK to express unbridled competition in business and work relationships, although even there too much competition can destroy any trust or teamwork in a business or organization. The Beijing Olympic Games made me think of about competitiveness where it serves the athletes and how it serves us or not in the sphere of relationships.

“Focus on competition has always been a formula for mediocrity.” Daniel Burrus

I remember as a child being terrified of competition, being the daughter of a champion swimmer. My parents pushed me into competing in swimming of course and in Australia that is a pretty normal arena for competition. I remember feeling sick from the adrenaline that would race through my body & would head for the bathroom to hide. Unfortunately that meant that I missed the race too and after a while I guess my parents just stopped pushing. My personality leaned more toward cooperating with others rather than competing or so I thought. However its only since I’ve matured that I realized that as a child I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to support my own competitive spirit. I just didn’t feel that I had a chance in competing at anything, whether it was possible for me to win or not.

“The only competition worthy a wise man, is with himself.” Mrs. Jamieson

A little competition generally is good in relationships as the adrenalin can heighten our awareness & performance with our intimate partners. Its a great wake up call, when the adrenalin kicks in! However there always has to be a winner & a loser in any competition & if we unconsciously compete with our partner one person may feel overwhelmed by being in the loser’s seat too often. Of course it may also get pretty boring being the winner all the time as well, with no difference.

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest –never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” Ann Landers

In astrology Ares, the Greek god of War, rules the competitive spirit. So I guess it boils down to how much war & how much peace do we want in our relationships? If we live with a partner, it is important that there is some peace where we can restore our frayed nerves & energy from playing & working in the world as it is today. There is no rest where partners have to be one step ahead of each other and so this can affect the caring side of the relationship. Ares’ lover was Venus, who rules love & lust, so we definitely need a reasonable receptivity and spirit of cooperation to make a good match together – it’s all about balance! The competitive spirit is all about ME and not really about YOU so it is important to have some balance in a relationship between focus on ME and US!

“Competition is the spice of sports; but if you make spice the whole meal you’ll be sick.” George Leonard

What are the positive outlets for the competitive spirit in a relationship? 1. Sport together 2. Sex together 3. Work, either outside or inside, together

“If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive. If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.” Unknown

What has worked or not worked in your relationships now & in the past? Would love to hear your feedback. In the meantime I will leave you with one video about cooperation which is very moving…. Team cooperation miracle And another ad with a little black humor reflecting on the destructiveness of competition on a couple……