I experienced a big disappointment this week that brought me to thinking about disappointments in relationships. The word disappoint comes from the Medieval French word desappointer meaning “undo the appointment, remove from office’. Modern sense of the word is “to frustrate expectations” which is from secondary meaning of “fail to keep an appointment.”

When we relate with others we bring our own ideals & fantasies to the mix as we meet and mingle. The honeymoon period of any relationship usually carries with it its own ready made fog of infatuation and desire mingled with an insane quality of unrealistic perfection! During this initial period we may not know where we are going or who we are relating to, however it is fun! Like watching a really good movie (only it may last for more than 2 or 3 hours) we are transported beyond ourselves and our mundane lives & worries. We become more than who we are and our partner receives all the fantasies and projections we have stored in the unconscious. Here at last is the perfect partner for us – our ship has finally come in!

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I saw a great movie this week; it was ‘Shop Girl’ with Steve Martin. It was brilliant and showed extreme examples of emotional distance and intimacy.

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are we better or worse if we stay in relationships or marriages, for ‘better or worse’? The great benefit about commitment to another person, is that we feel safe enough to expose more vulnerable aspects of ourselves. This benefits a couple because that allows for more intimacy between the two people. That is the heart of a good relationship!

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how can we be ourselves and still enjoy successful relationships? One of the biggest issues I have found is that we need to define our boundaries in relationships. The dictionary meaning of the word boundary is ‘something that indicates a border or limit’. Everything in nature is defined by a boundary and this keeps entities intact, true to their integrity and able to function as they were meant. The smallest cell is an example of this process.

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“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” HH Dalai Lama

“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.” HH Dalai Lama

HH the Dalai Lama

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