August 30th, 2009

whats wrong with online dating sites?

» Posted in Love, Matchmaking, Relationships, humor, online dating, social networks at 4:18 am

during the week I asked a few questions about online dating sites from people on Aardvark and got some pretty negative responses. Aardvark is a great site where you can ask questions about anything & get responses either by email or IM. Its fun & a great way to have conversations, much as I love Twitter, I dont always get responses to questions on Twitter, possibly everyone is too busy trying to sell themselves or something? After the responses I received, I decided to write a post about whats wrong with online dating sites because it seems they are not listening. Has that got something to do with the fact that the majority are run by men????

America Online customers are upset because the company has decided to allow advertising in its chat rooms. I can see why: you got computer sex, you can download pornography, people are making dates with 10 year-olds. Hey, what’s this? A Pepsi ad? They’re ruining the integrity of the Internet! Jay Leno

People Lie: We all come up against this with online dating and there are various companies now who can help verify the identity of a dater. However they are not available on every site. On TheNextWomen a post titled ‘Free or subscription revenue models for online dating?’ featured an interview with Julia McMillan CEO of ToyBoyWarehouse She says: ‘I, as a woman, would never join a free site as everyone and anyone is on there. There is no policing and probably half the guys are not single but pretending to be.’ She also adds: ‘It’s always more difficult to get women on dating sites than it is to get men, so male owners of dating sites should really heed what their female members are saying.’ David Cushman posted a great TED talk that I watched yesterday called Permission to Cheat with Dan Ariely. This talk not explains why the financial markets have had a bashing over the last year but also why people lie on online dating sites.

One good thing about Internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet. Unknown

Not good enough range choices: Someone suggested that online dating sites are still regarded as the place to go for those who are desperate and cannot find a relationship in the outer world. I’m sure that is not the case but with the walled gardens that online dating sites have erected it may be difficult for some people to find a good match from their existing database. I wonder why most of the sites don’t open up to connect with users’ social network profiles? I avidly read Dave Evans posts on OnlineDatingInsider and he often points out what is wrong with the online dating industry and how they can change things. There is a good archived post from his old blog , have a look at it ‘A Dating Industry Insider Rant’ from his Corante blog.

(Computer dating) It’s terrific if you’re a computer. Rita Mae Brown

Privacy & security concerns: bumping into people in the street that were met online. Many people don’t like their work colleagues & others knowing that they are dating online and don’t feel safe having their profile exposed on sites.
Lonely & isolated: there is an unreality to online dating which is totally removed from the rest of your life. It’s difficult to get advice or support from friends because they can’t see the profiles of those you are interacting with, or not. It has a major feeling of disconnect and I’m just not sure that it supports great matches for that reason.
Not fun: most of these sites are just not fun to be on particularly compared to social networks. I have been told that OKCupid is a fun site to be on and I found this test when I was looking at it again The “What’s Wrong With ME?!” Test. Not sure that it will help you find a good match but should be fun, I guess?

I believe in computer dating.Only if the computers really love each other. Grouch Marx

Social networks better for meeting people: I have been told that the social networks are better for meeting people as the relationships are often more organic. On the social networks there are loads of conversations happening which would relate to many things, not just dating or finding a mate. Conversations happen naturally and friendships can develop which sometimes grow to romance which of course is paralleled in real life. On Susan Mernit’s blog (she used to work for Yahoo Personals) from a post titled Dave Evans: What’s wrong with online dating sites she (or Dave?) summarises some of the problems with online dating sites.
Not good enough practical tools to support consumers in finding a good match: This is my added piece to the list because it is my hobby horse. Also you can check out in detail the reviews of a lot of the sites’ profiling assessments for matching because I’ve reviewed them on this blog. That is for the sites that have any matchmaking tool or support because a lot of them dont and just expect that you will match by zip code (quote from Dave Evans). The links to online dating site assessment reviews are as follows: Yahoo Personals; Match.com’s Chemistry ; TRUE ; PlentyofFish ; Parship ; DatingDirect ; OKCupid ; eHarmony ; PerfectMatch ; asoundmatch ; be2 ; Dateline .

More and more people are meeting on local or niche sites–but the broadest listings are on the big sites–how can daters get benefits of both without paying a fortune?

Why don’t all dating sites allow a universal profile–and a daypass to visit all of them?

A dating site database is not a card catalog, it should be a guided, rich multimedia experience, with a profile stream that flows like water.

How about mobile dating–is anyone paying attention?

Where is the next generation of personality testing?

How about user created videos?

And background checks-for those who want them.

Do something extraordinary that differentiates you from the competition.

My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman. Still, I’ve got another three goes. Sally Poplin

I am amazed that apart from the forums there is a dearth of articles or posts about what isn’t working on these sites. I find that surprising at a time when everyone can voice their opinion easily & do, that people don’t speak more about their dissatisfactions with these sites. I wonder if that is because these sites just don’t appear to listen???? So how do you feel about the online dating sites and what is your pet peeve, please add below. Of course you are also welcome to add the things that you love about them too.

Here’s a funny ad about dating & having a sense of humor, which it seems we all need these days. Enjoy….