do you speak the same ‘language’?

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a recent study has discovered that people who talk the same talk, or speak the same ‘language’ are more likely to want to see each other again in the dating game. This backs up my idea that communication is one of the most important bridges between people. Without it any type of relationship is doomed to challenge.

“The language of truth is unadorned and always simple.” Marcellinus Ammianus

The study was mentioned in Reuters article In the dating game, speaking styles count: study which sumarises:
In a study of college students they found that couples whose language was in sync were almost four times more likely to want to see each other again than those who did not use similar language.
“We are able to predict this at higher rates than the people themselves,” said Professor James Pennebaker, of the University of Texas, who headed the research team.
The researchers, who reported their findings in the journal Psychological Science, focused on function words — which are not nouns or verbs but the words that show how those words relate. For example: a, be, anything, that, will, him.
“Function words are highly social and they require social skills to use,” Pennebaker explained. “For example, if I’m talking about the article that’s coming out, and in a few minutes I make some reference to ‘the article’, you and I both know what that article means.”
In a study of college students they found that couples whose language was in sync were almost four times more likely to want to see each other again than those who did not use similar language.”We are able to predict this at higher rates than the people themselves,” said Professor James Pennebaker, of the University of Texas, who headed the research team.The researchers, who reported their findings in the journal Psychological Science, focused on function words — which are not nouns or verbs but the words that show how those words relate. For example: a, be, anything, that, will, him.”Function words are highly social and they require social skills to use,” Pennebaker explained. “For example, if I’m talking about the article that’s coming out, and in a few minutes I make some reference to ‘the article’, you and I both know what that article means.”

I guess this comes down to the fact that the little things count, even if we are not aware of them. So even in language its the bridging words that link us & help us understand & identify with each other?

“I do not mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is an language I do not understand.” Sir Edward Appleton

A second part of the study examined the everyday instant message conversations between already dating couples over a 10-day period. The conversations were analyzed by a computer for words and conversational patterns.
Pennebaker said that researchers were once again able to fairly accurately predict which couples would continue dating.
They found that the speaking and writing styles couples use during interactions are a good indicator of whether or not a relationship will be successful.
“The higher their style matching scores, the more likely they were to still be dating later on,” Pennebaker said.
About 80 percent of the couples whose conversational styles were similar were still dating three months after the experiment, compared with just 54 percent of couples whose styles were markedly different.
Pennebaker said that the results were notable because they occur during everyday conversations, even though most people don’t notice.

I wonder if they will do a study on this issue when a couple speaks (thinks in) different languages? That would be interesting to see those results.

“Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing.” Robert Benchley

Of course communication happens on many levels & body language is just as important as words. The other level that has not been addressed or taken into account here is the subtle level of communication. Content & syntax are only a small piece of the pie in communicating with others. Feeling is also conveyed through more subtle levels along with body language.

I would like to leave you with a very funny vid with the lesson not to take words too literally. These people obviously had very different communication styles???