traditional Irish matchmaking interviews transcripts

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In April08 I was lucky enough to interview 2 traditional Irish matchmakers on the phone. Tom Fenney has been an Irish matchmaker in County Meath, Ireland for over 50 years. Both his parents were matchmakers and now his son-in-law, Gus Martyn, also is a matchmaker. He doesn’t keep any records but keeps their mobile phone numbers.

Tom told me that he has made hundreds of matches since he started matchmaking at 15 or 16 years old. with only one real failure. I asked him what is the secret to his success and he told me that it was just a bit of commonsense. He suggested that he has a good personality and that has helped him.
I asked him how he makes a match for someone and this was his process:

he firstly interviews both of them for half an hour & finds out what they do & don’t like
he finds out what they have done and not done
he has matched a lot of farmers so he finds out what sort of farms i.e. livestock, pig, sheep or whatever kind of farming
he finds out what sort of work they do and whether they work during the day or night
then he interviews both of them again for a longer time to ascertain whether they will match
the secret to making a good match is to find out what they are keen about & make sure they both have that interest & a similar way of thinking
age is not important – you can match a pair and the girl is 10 to 15 years younger the man and that will not make any difference
finance comes into it too: he believes you can’t match someone very rich with someone very poor – it usually doesn’t work. (The match that failed was with an ex-nun & a farmer. The reasons that caused this to fail was that they didn’t have family and so lacked support. The farmer was very rich and was looking for an heir, however Tom felt that it mightn’t work at the start and tried to bring them back together but it didn’t work.)
he then introduces the couple at a neutral setting where the couple can relax and have a bit of fun. If one is not happy then it is easier to leave the meeting.
the woman is the most important because if she is not happy the relationship will not work. (Tom & I had a bit of Irish craic & a laugh at this question & his slight hesitation about it! A couple came to him trying to get back together, but the woman was not happy and he was unable to rematch them. There was a lot of money involved with this farmer but he still could not effect a match.)

In Tom’s father’s time, he would bring a half bottle of whiskey to the girl’s house & the bride’s father & mother would talk to the matchmaker & the groom. The couple would then meet at the house and money would come into it, in the form of the bride’s dowry. Tom has a bit of that too now, but not that much anymore. It was much more important then. Tom’s couples stick together for a long time. Tom wanted to know if I was interested in his services, but I declined. Who’s terrified, not me…………

The link for the podcast of this interview is here

I then chatted with Tom’s son-in-law, Gus Martyn, the following day. He has been matchmaking 10-11 years and has made 15-17 matches. But he has a good few couples courting as well. He has a few marriages under his belt, but not all have been successful. Those he has found different partners for but again not all have been 100% successful. Best success has been with girls between 30 -37 years as its not easy for those girls to go to discos in Ireland now. He is at fairs, hurling games, Gaelic games & football games & the odd pub as well. Gus is fairly well known because he is a referee in Meath. Girls come up & ask him for help. He has some couples living together (although that’s none of his business), courting & marriage. His big secret is matching couples through their personality & size of person. He meets the girl in a restaurant or a bar & talks with her about what she is looking for. He feels that it is very important for the girl to be looked after like a parent, because she is somebody’s daughter. He also meets the fella independently & talks with him. Then he sets up a meeting with both people and where himself & possibly Tom Fenney also go along. He arranges this so that the fella doesn’t know where the girl is, this is so she can check him out without his knowledge to see if he looks suitable for her to meet. Gus checks in with the girl and then if she doesn’t like the look of him, she can leave without causing any embarrassment. If the girl gets to visually see him and likes him then she can talk to him.

On the second date, Gus stays in the area to be there if she needs him.
The worst failure was a couple in Navan, Co Meath where the girl was happy enough with the fella but said he was a bit shy. Gus went along on the second date and it was a cold nite. They left the hotel and he walked her to her car where she discovered that her car had been broken into. He then promptly left & went home leaving her to deal with the damage. She of course called Gus and he came & gave her support. He was gone & Gus never wants to see him again!!!! Gus regularly calls the girls to make sure they are looked after. He has to vet the guys more than the girls, as some of the guys are chancers (as the Irish would say)! If a guy is a heavy drinker or something like that, it is just trouble, so Gus doesn’t bother with them. He feels that similarity is important in a lot of things when matchmaking but finances as in rich & poor, is not so important. He has a pretty good success rate & is quite happy. After making a match, he finds they like to keep it a secret. The girls don’t like it to made public that they have found their match through Gus & Tom and they are quite happy to keep that confidential. However years ago, it would be widely known that the couple had been matched through a matchmaker. Times have changed even in Ireland! Tom & his son-in-law Gus do their matchmaking every year at the Dunderry Fair. This year it is on Sunday 11th May but they get the couples dancing on the Friday night 9th May at the local pub. I had to own up that I wasn’t really a great dancer & we had a bit of craic about that. All the proceeds go to charity, so if you are interested in finding a match through traditional Irish matchmakers, head on down & look up Tom Feeney & Gus Martyn.

You can listen to the podcast of the second interview here.

Check out the video below from ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ with that great song ‘Matchmaker, matchmaker’ about the Jewish traditional matchmaker, yenta!

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