online or offline dating?

I read two conflicting articles this week about which is the best avenue to find a partner online or offline dating.  Online dating certainly has its problems, lying, sites lack of integrity, the gap between virtual & reality, inability to identify chemistry until meeting to mention just a few.  Offline dating has a longer history and can still be subject to lying but there is no middleman with lack of integrity as in the dating sites, there is no virtual gap & chemistry can usually be identified immediately.

“According to the Wall Street Journal, in the month of December, 4.3 million people went on a date through Match.com… 4.1 million of them are still missing.” Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

The first article in Marie Claire was an interview with Mark Thompson, formerly from Match.com & Yahoo Personals Why You’ll Never Find Real Love Online: A former scientist behind Match.com tells all:

After spending a decade at Match.com and Yahoo Personals writing compatibility formulas, psychologist Mark Thompson had fallen out of love with his work. “Early on, there was real enthusiasm that we were going to figure out how to bring people together,” he says. “But now the industry is so competitive that it’s more about what sites claim they can do than what us eggheads could actually do for people.”

“I hated the way we overpromised and underdelivered. Our studies showed that the odds of meeting someone online and dating him more than a month are roughly one in 10. So it’s great that all those people on the TV commercials met their spouses, but they are the exceptions, not the rule. No computer can accurately predict whom you should be with. The function of the math will make vastly more false predictions than accurate ones.”

MC: Your book is about finding love. Why did you call it Who Should You Have Sex With and not Who Should You Go Out With?

MT: Because sex is a huge part of a relationship that people don’t always focus on. Couples today are unwilling to settle for sexual boredom. In my studies, I’ve found that about half of daters say they’re looking for “sexually passionate romance” and want to have a “great” sex life. Those who don’t are usually worried about winding up with a partner who wants more or kinkier sex than they do. So it’s a critical question.

MC: But doesn’t happiness have more to do with emotional compatibility?

MT: Sexual compatibility is a keystone to a relationship’s long-term success, and it requires three things: a similar emotional approach (positive, friendly, and fun, or dark and mysterious); a similar activity level (fast and active, or slow and mellow); and a complementary power dynamic (strong, confident, and powerful, or gentle and submissive). These qualities often line up with what you want interpersonally, too.

MC: How can we know if there’s chemistry before we have sex?

MT: People’s public personas often correspond to their sexual personas. Mr. Adventure in public tends to be Mr. Dominant in bed. He should probably stay away from Ms. Passion because they both like to be in control. Mr. Shy in public is likely to be Mr. Romance in bed. He should steer clear of Ms. Sinner because she likes darker sex than he does.

“I date this girl for two years — and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name…’” Comedian Mike Binder

It sounds like Mark has opted totally for that elusive quality that is usually the deciding factor for any couple: chemistry.  Most dating sites do fall down when it comes to identifying that most critical piece for matching a couple.  This is because even a psychological assessment cannot identify the magnetic connection between two people because it is not subject to psychological investigation, manifesting as it does the mystery of our human condition.  It highlights the uniqueness of each individual & their needs & wants but at the same time it shines a light at that moment on the fact that we are all connected.  The mysterious attraction between a couple will always elude data processing no matter how much data is available or new algorithm.  And at this point in my life as much as I love online life & technology, I am glad that this mystery exists and wakes us up when we meet the right person.  Obviously for some of us, who may be a bit more complex or unusual this may only occur with one or two people in our life.

“Computer dating is fine… if you’re a computer.” Rita Mae Brown

The Telegraph had an opposite view in its article People with internet access ‘more likely to be in relationships’:

While computer users were once caricatured as romantic no-hopers, a new study indicates that people who refuse to go online may be the ones who struggle to find love.
The research found that 82.2 per cent of people with access to the web at home also had a spouse or partner, compared to 62.8 per cent of those without an internet connection.
He said that internet dating was proving particularly popular with groups – including middle-aged divorcees – who have traditionally had difficulty finding suitable partners.
Professor Rosenfeld said: “With the meteoric rise of the internet as a way couples have met in the past few years, and the concomitant recent decline in the central role of friends, it is possible that in the next several years the internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s.”
He added: “The internet is not simply a new and more efficient way to keep in touch with our existing networks; rather the internet is a new kind of social intermediary that may reshape the kinds of partners and relationships we have.”

So what do you think, have you found love online or offline?  Let me know in the comments.  Here’s a great comedy sketch about dating by Dava Krause

 
• Ideas: Data mining the heart (boston.com)
• Match.com Partners With Yahoo On New Dating Service (webpronews.com)
• Yahoo Finds A New Lover In Match.com, Dumps Personals (techcrunch.com)
• The Online Dating Newbie: It Doesn’t Happen Overnight (bettyconfidential.com)
• Falling out of love with e-dating (mindhacksblog.wordpress.com)
• Which Online Dating Site Is Right For You? [Modern Love] (jezebel.com)
• Match.com taking over Yahoo’s dating service (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Match.com taking over Yahoo’s dating service (dailycaller.com)
• GamerDating.com Launches New Online Gamer Dating Website (prweb.com)