who do you love?

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a new study was published recently saying that one in five adults are in love with someone other than their partner. Are so…many people are not fulfilled in their current relationship that they must find satisfaction with another partner? Are they not committed enough to their current partner? Or were they not selective enough when they initially got together? Or have they changed so much whilst they have been in the relationship that their partner no longer fits as they did at the start? This is amazing to me as I have preferred my own company to a relationship with anyone who is not a good match and whom I did not love. Obviously I have been living in the dark, like a mushroom???

“They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love.” William Shakespeare

The study was mentioned in the Telegraph article One in five adults in love with someone other than partner

“Even in a happy relationship, it’s seems to be possible to have a wandering eye or even crave affection from another person.

“Yet for many people, the feelings are much stronger – with twenty per cent saying they are actually in love with another person despite being in a loving relationship already.

“For those who can’t control their lust, this usually leads to an affair and potentially the start of a marriage or relationship breakdown.”

The study also found feelings for someone else usually last for three years and three months

As well as colleagues and friends, ex-boyfriends or girlfriends also feature highly on the list of potentially dangerous love interests.

One in 25 people said they had been in love with someone else for more than five years and one in 50 said they had loved another for as long as they could remember.

Men are also far more likely to fall for someone else with 22 per cent admitting they loved two women.

But only 15 per cent of women said the same thing.

And 29 per cent of men said they planned to leave their partner for the other women compared to just 19 per cent of women.

“It is best to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.” William M.Thackeray

CNN also had an article 20 percent are in love with someone else

A recent poll of 3,000 people in relationships showed that one in five adults are actually in love with someone other than their significant other. That means that twenty percent of adults in relationships are in love with someone else. For reasons that are unknown, but likely have to do with finances, desire, children, and fear, people settle down in relationships even when their hearts belong to someone else.

This statistic could also indicate why some people have affairs — if you’re in love with some else, but don’t feel like you can’t end things with your partner, an affair is one way to, for a lack of a better phrase, have your cake and eat it too.

“Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.” Benjamin Franklin

Obviously some people are always looking for something new, whether it be a person or other novelty. But these stats are also showing that there are many reasons that people form relationships. Despite our culture promoting Love relationships, it may not be the highest value when some people form a committed relationship or marriage. We are all different & so its important to acknowledge the complexity of relationships & people’s needs. We are not robots. But what the stats do reveal, is how much we are drawn to the experience of Love even if we have to find it from without rather than from within our main relationship. It is the subtle Mystery of Life, which cannot be manufactured or bought or earnt but which happens spontaneously when the right ingredients are present in the same bowl. Magic!

Maybe we should just make a compromise & as the song says ‘love the one we’re with’. Enjoy it – this oldie but goodie from Crosby, Stills & Nash…