‘It’s complicated’ status more prevalent now

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it appears that young people approx 18 to 25 do not have an exclusivity contract with each other & ‘it’s complicated’ is the status that is more likely to be the status quo. The big C (by that I mean commitment) is a bit out of date now but of course this can cause problems in any relationship, both health & psychological issues.

“Math is like love — a simple idea but it can get complicated.” R. Drabek

The study I am referring, is in the extract One Love: Explicit Monogamy Agreements among Heterosexual Young Adult Couples at Increased Risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections & here is a brief summary quote:

Overall, 227 couples (52%) concurred that they had an explicit agreement to be monogamous; of those, 162 (71%) had sustained the agreement.
Only commitment was related to sustained monogamy.

Times are changing, technology is changing all our lives and new generations have different standards & values that challenge the status quo (just as we did with our parent’s status quo). However the problem that I see with this issue is not only that people’s health is put at risk for STDs. But that trust can be eroded if there is no clear communication between partners & no mutual agreement that is honored. This is age old & I don’t think oxytocin can be used as a replacement for lack of honesty or unclear boundaries in any relationship.

“Life is really simple, but men insist on making it complicated.” Confucius

However Live Science has a post on the study Young Adults and Monogamy: ‘It’s Complicated’ and here is the core:

To many young adult couples, the status of their relationship is a little vague. In a small study, about 40 percent of young couples had differing opinions about how exclusive their relationship was, and even among those who were on the same page, about 30 percent reported having cheated.
“Couples have a hard time talking about these sorts of issues, and I would imagine for young people it’s even more difficult,” study researcher Jocelyn Warren of Oregon State University said in a statement. “Monogamy comes up quite a bit as a way to protect against sexually transmitted diseases. But you can see that agreement on whether one is monogamous or not is fraught with issues.”
The study quizzed 434 married and unmarried couples ages 18-25 about their relationships. Almost half of the couples, regardless of their marital status, disagreed as to whether or not they were seeing each other exclusively, even though they said they had discussed it. Married couples were no more likely than others to have an explicit monogamy agreement in place, and couples with children were even less likely to have an exclusivity agreement.
While monogamy is rare in the animal kingdom, for humans it has the practical value of being one of the easiest ways to protect against sexually transmitted diseases. Cheating and miscommunication in ostensibly exclusive relationships could trigger health issues, the study researchers say.
The only indicator of exclusivity, the researchers found, was the emotional commitment the partners reported investing in the relationship. This commitment was assessed using a scale in which participants rated themselves from 1 to 5 on statements such as “You view your relationship as permanent.” Those who most strongly agreed with the statement gave themselves a 5.
With every unit increase in the commitment scale, the odds that the couple had a sustained monogamy agreement increased almost threefold, the researchers found.

“I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.” Poul Anderson

Time dedicates a post to the status itself and the how we should post our relationship status on facebook in Your Facebook Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

There are six relationship categories Facebook users can choose from: single, in a relationship, engaged, married, it’s complicated, and in an open relationship. (Users can decline to list a status, but Facebook estimates that roughly 60% of its users do, with “single” and “married” the most common statuses.)

One common theme among romantically inclined Facebook users is that there are almost infinite ways for the Facebook relationship status to go awry. There’s the significant other who doesn’t want to list his or her involvement (causing a rift in the real-world relationship); the accidental change that alerts friends to a nonexistent breakup (causing endless annoyance); but worse than both is when the truth spreads uncontrollably.

If the truth be told, due to our human nature ‘It’s complicated’ is probably a great status for us all as regards our relationships. We are complex & all have differing needs & values. Each relationship needs to be hand crafted creatively by both parties. What works for one couple, won’t work for another.

“While intelligent people can often simplify the complex, a fool is more likely to complicate the simple.” Gerald W. Grumet

It’s understandable that due to the changes & shifts in our environments we might also need to revisit relationships & how we function in them. Freedom to choose now is obviously one of the major shifts because technology & online has increased our choices. However the skills of clear communication & clarity around boundaries can never go astray & can only increase the success & fulfillment in any relationship. Respect & trust are necessary for any human relationship to thrive. The rules of engagement always need to be brought to the table with honesty & integrity. In our rush to embrace new things like technology, we also still need to feel empowered when we relate to other human beings. These skills can all be learnt but probably not on facebook.

I’d like to leave you with a funny comedy skit on facebook & friends by Rachel Reenstra. Enjoy….