Shy men and women may actually be relieved to be pursuing online dating as it takes away a lot of the stress that accompanies an in-person date. Why worry about how you look or how you say something when you can just type it? Not that online dating eliminates all of the worry. After all, once you become attracted to a person (perhaps after viewing their profile picture) a lot of that care-less confidence flies out the window.
Not that a superstar like you has ever been shy! However, this article can help you learn how to draw a shy person out when they are online and keeping mum.
Be Friendly and Outgoing
Shy people are afraid of rejection, or perhaps of saying something foolish. So do your best to show a spirit of friendliness. The fact that a shy person has said something to you or replied to your message shows a general level of interest. So do not become instantly offended if the other person seems reserved at first. You may be misinterpreting coldness for a lack of confidence.
Be careful not to mock the shy user. Though a sense of humor is a great tool to draw people out, they can become threatened by too many smart remarks. Shy persons are taking baby steps towards communication, so avoid coming on too strong. Instead, try to involve the other person in the conversation. Don’t become too overly friendly, especially if you sense tension coming from your new friend. After an introduction, a shy person is evaluating you and forming an opinion. The fact that he or she likes you enough to respond doesn’t mean you can say no wrong. (And hey, shy people may be shy but some of them are really hot!)
Becoming too excitable in your replies can also count against your favor. Shy people are not necessarily needy. They may be just as turned off by neediness or over-friendliness as the extrovert. In fact, it’s a better idea to match your new friend’s pace (speed of reply, length of sentence) rather than continue typing 100 words per minute.
Draw Him or Her Out With Questions
The best way to involve a shy date in a conversation is to ask open-ended questions. You are actually contributing to the problem by doing all the talking (though you may think you’re being nice). Speaking long sentences and then asking for a simple yes or no response, is just draining the shy person’s energy and increasing the awkward tension. Shy people will run for cover whenever this happens! Who can blame them? No one likes all that weird energy…well, short of Ricky Gervais, perhaps.
Be sure to ask the shy user for his or her views on the subject. Your date may be wondering if you want a reply, and may be nervous about interrupting your train of thought. Let him or her know that you are interested in an opinion, even if it’s an opposing one. Once you get the person talking, pay attention to what he or she says.
Encourage your date to respond more by offering supportive phrases, and perhaps by using some of the same words as he/she used. (This shows you were paying attention) There is no need to “thank” the person; simply responding is thanks enough.
Treat the shy user with respect and support instead of contempt. Who knows, maybe that quiet one you have your eye on is a deep thinker and compatible match!