endings & beginnings

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The boundaries of where one thing finishes and another thing starts are endings and beginnings respectively. On some level they just identify the outskirts of one thing and another and we like to call them different names. Today we are all coming to the end of a calendar year and the beginning of another. Some of us may also find ourselves involved in endings & beginnings in relationships and other assorted human activities. I call it transitioning, just like vacationing but possibly a little more challenging! What is most difficult for the majority of us is letting go of one thing and waiting or jumping into the next thing. Then again there are some of us who leap easily and forget about the past readily. There is a middle path somewhere between the two, knowing that the flow of movement and change are part of our human lot and that if things remain the same they are also liable to become stagnant i.e. lose their life & smell pretty bad (just like stagnant water)!

Asian New Year

I think the most important thing to remember when we are transitioning in relationships is that life is just trying to happen. We are continually birthing ourselves and our lives and it is necessary to allow endings & then of course beginnings. It is important not to go into denial or over-dramatize over them. Endings are the final edge of something and beginnings are the starting edge of something else. Sometimes there seems like a gap in the middle which is the transition! Sometimes too an ending can last a little while and also a beginning and so transitioning can cover a large chunk of time & space. It is only our resistance to change & our denial that causes pain! There is grief for our losses when transitioning and there is also excitement at times, for another adventure is starting.

Alien New Year

The maintenance work of transitioning consists of:

Let go of the well known past – expressing or sitting with grief is one of the best things to help in this process of movement. Even if something has been difficult, we will still have some grief or relief as we let go. Sometimes anger is the only feeling we can contact – just allow that & investigate what lies beneath the anger.
Take some time out & step off ‘the hamster’s wheel’ for a little! This could be as short as one day or as long as one year or possibly even longer. We all have our own personal timing and also it is dependent on what is ending. This will speed the process as we return to ourselves and start to listen to what is important for us in this process. (Many years ago I very naively thought I would get through the breakup of my marriage in a very short period of time due the difficulties I experienced with my ex-husband. Wrong – it was a good 5 years in the final analysis before I felt that I was well & truly through that ending! My beginning of raising 3 small children by myself could have contributed to this lengthy transitioning & my incorrect estimation?)
As soon as possible start looking for the opportunities that exist even in the transitioning. What you are seeing are the possibilities and new doors that are opening in the beginning of something else. Let some excitement bubble up into your transitioning state â€“ it will get you going & rev you up!
Envision what you want in your beginning, even as you let go & bless the ending. You can create this beginning from a truer place in yourself. Each ending helps us know ourselves and our true needs better.
Be kind – compassion starts at home! The kinder you are to yourself the easier it will be to let go, as you will be more in touch with the feelings of grief. Kindness also encourages us to support ourselves as we discover the new. We won’t expect inhuman results as we play with the beginning we are now entering.
Talk to those who care about what is happening to us. It is important so they can express their love & support; so they won’t worry and so they are assured you are handling your transitioning well! Warning however: try not to talk too much about the process it may bore others & it may lessen the vital energy that is always present in transitioning. It is important that you keep this energy for yourself. Just as a baby feels it’s separation from the womb at birth, on some level we too are alone in our transitioning. It can truly feel that it’s all about me for a while!
Last but not least have a good laugh & celebrate when you are ready!