the difference with female desire

Thursday, 20th June, 2013 |

» Posted in Relationships, women at 12:36 pm

it’s pretty clear that female desire is different than male desire, as is evidenced by the fact that men & women are different. Women even usually have different predilection in using their senses, than men. For men the visual is usually the main route to stimulating their desire, whereas women usually sound is important as to other senses.

“To desire is to obtain; to aspire is to achieve.” James Allen

It was with interest then that I read the Wall Street Journal article The Online World of Female Desire: For women indulging their curiosity, Internet erotica is less about flesh than about finding Mr. Right and some of the statements that leapt out were:

One of our most interesting findings was that women are very different from men in how they use these online services. All across the planet, what most women seek out, in growing numbers, are not explicit scenes of sexual activity but character-driven stories of romantic relationships.The female cortex contains a highly developed system for finding and scrutinizing a prospective partner—a system that might be dubbed the Miss Marple Detective Agency. Agatha Christie’s fictional sleuth is often dismissed as scatterbrained, but she is actually a shrewd judge of character and harbors deep knowledge of the dark side of human nature. She uses her surprising analytical acumen to solve mysteries that have stumped the police.Using similar investigative skills, the female brain evaluates all available evidence regarding a potential mate’s social, emotional and physical qualities to make an all-important decision: Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong? Only if Miss Marple gives her stamp of approval do physical arousal and psychological arousal harmoniously unite in the female brain.

“Man is a creation of desire, not a creation of need.” Gaston Bachelard

This unconscious evaluation is the source of “feminine intuition.” Though the female brain carefully processes many stimuli simultaneously, it is experienced only as a general feeling of favorability or suspicion toward a potential partner. This feminine intuition is designed to solve a woman’s unique challenge of determining whether a man is committed, kind and capable of protecting a family.Female erotica demonstrates how the detective agency operates—and how it differs from the much simpler male brain. Whereas two-minute video clips are the most popular form of contemporary erotica for men, the most popular form for women remains the romance novel, an artifact that takes many hours to digest. Like pornography, the romance novel has established a strong presence in the digital domain. It is the primary engine behind the electronic book boom. Currently, three of the top 10 books on Kindle are e-romances.All romance novels, whether written by the likes of Jane Austen, Nora Roberts or Stephenie Meyer, employ a narrative formula that follows the gradual elucidation of the hero’s inner character, leading to an emotional epiphany between hero and heroine. On this journey, the heroine—and the reader—investigates the character of the hero. The goal of a romance novel’s heroine is never sex for its own sake, much less impersonal sex with strangers. All romance novels end with a “happily ever after”: a marriage or committed long-term partnership.

“Be careful what you set your heart upon — for it will surely be yours.” James Baldwin

Women account for only one out of 50 purchases of porn-site subscriptions, but they make nine out of 10 purchases of romance novels. (In fact, the main billing company for porn sites flags female names as potential fraud, since so many of these charges result in an angry wife or mother demanding a refund for the misuse of her card.) In 2008, 74.8 million people read an English-language romance novel—close to the number of men who visited online pornography sites that year in the U.S. and Canada.Some female readers might be thinking, “This doesn’t describe me at all!” And, in fact, somewhere between a quarter and a third of the visitors to the major pornography sites are women. Our data suggest that these women probably have a higher sex drive than other women and that they are more socially aggressive and more comfortable taking risks.

I’ll leave you with a funny video from Irish comedian Dave Allen on the origins of desire….