Blog Action Day, in aid of Poverty, today, so I am writing about Poverty Consciousness.  The seed of everything in our lives begins in our minds.  The antidote for Poverty Consciousness is Prosperity Consciousness.

The person who sends out positive thoughts activates the world around him positively and draws back to himself positive results. Norman Vincent Peale

I would recommend a few people who have had impact in my life and have taught me techniques to help counteract Poverty Consciousness.

• Mike Dooley @ Tut.com who kindly came to visit Ireland at my request in 2004, whilst I had my coaching business there.  His philosophy & trademark is:

Thoughts become things… choose the good ones!

If you sign up on his website you can receive a free daily email from ‘The Universe’ that reminds you every day in a fun & sometimes poignant way that if you think positive thoughts you can create the reality that you desire & fulfill your dreams & wishes.  I have found these invaluable over the years & try to read them first thing on opening my emails.  Sometimes I laugh & sometimes I cry depending on how I’m feeling but they always help keep me positive about my life & business no matter what.

I’ve always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can think negative. Sugar Ray Robinson

• Elyse Hope Killoran @ Choosing Prosperity, who runs teleclasses & a wonderful exercise in stretching the abundance ability of the mind through the free ‘Prosperity Game’.  This was originally started by Abraham-Hicks.  Once you sign up for the game you are sent a cheque of ever increasing amounts with which you have to decide how to spend.  What fun & what a great way to get the mind over the obstacles to believing that you can have unlimited amounts of money if you want.  As quoted on Elyse’s website:

What if everything that you’ve been taught about money and how we acquire more money is only part of the story?

What if your current financial state is only partially a result of the energy that you are expending as you ‘do’ things each day and is, more significantly, related to the ‘being’ energy that you are sending out each day via your thoughts and emotions?

What if your current experience of money is a direct by product of having an internal money ’set point’? What if this money set point was holding you back on an energetic level from achieving all that you are capable of achieving financially?

If all of this were true, would it seem like a good idea to make changes on an inner level (for example, raising your money set point) that would free you up to attract more money in physical form?

Catherine Ponder @ Catherine Ponder home page who has written many books such as ‘The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity’ & ‘Open Your Mind to Prosperity’.  She offers a free ebook on her site too.   All her books are available at Amazon.com & are extremely helpful in educating & reinforcing the Laws of Prosperity.  Catherine writes from a Christian perspective, but dont let that get in the way of educating yourself through her teachings.

You don’t seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help. Jean Kerr

• Rebecca Fine @ The Science of Getting Rich Network where you can download a free ebook ‘The Science of Getting Rich’.  The Certain Way ezine that goes out regularly to those on the network keeps your attention focused on how to think prosperity instead of poverty.

The things I’ve learned over the years that have helped me as I suffered from Poverty Consciousness are as per below:

1. Be grateful as if you already have the life & prosperity you want - give thanks every day!
2. Watch how you think & speak & try to change any negativity of which you are become aware
3. Visualize & experience the feeling of how it would feel to have the life & prosperity that you want at least 5 minutes a day (when you are alone is usually best)
4. Do everything you can in your actions to achieve the life & prosperity that you want
5. Be open to how the life & prosperity you want will manifest rather than trying to control it
6. Be generous when you can & try to give knowing that you will receive back in other ways
7. Tithe if you are up for that, and if so it is important to tithe to wherever you receive your spiritual nourishment
8. Create a vision board with visuals of everything you want to manifest in your life & dont forget to include your name or foto so you dont miss out & put somewhere you will see every day

There are many more points & for some of us it takes a long while to change old patterns that may have come from personal experiences, family, country or global negativity.  The current ‘economic crisis’ is a wonderful opportunity to ignore negativity & create your own reality with those that understand that we do have the power to change our thinking.  May all those suffering in poverty find wealth soon!

Happiness is a positive cash flow. Fred Adler

I’ll leave you with this really funny video ‘The Credit Crunch song’.  Enjoy……

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I completed True.com’s relationship assessment questionnaire a number of years ago & it produces a veritable tome of information all about Moi & was almost 32 pages. Do we ever get tired of reading such detailed information about ourselves?  Not me, however the assessment took about 40minutes to complete and that is a long time for an impatient person such as the likes of me.

It was compiled by Dr Rense Lange.  You can read an interview with him at Online Dating Magazine.

True.com tout it as per quote below :

TRUE, which launched in November, 2003 offers a “True Compatibility Test” - endorsed by Psychology Today magazine - that measures 99 psychological, behavior and interest factors.

“Everything we do, from the text that we post to the advice that we give, is all scientifically based,” said James Houran, director of psychological studies at the Dallas-based site.

The report itself includes cool diagrams & graphs, if you are into that sort of thing.  I have added a few from my report that are a bit of fun as per below:

Me & money - what can I say!

Now I did well on Sex and it appears I’m in the sex fiend area of the map as per below:

In this report you are also compared to others, similar to Yahoo Personal’s report, which can be interesting? :

It seems there are not so many as romantic as I am, oh well!

When it came to money there were a few more like myself:

The bar graphs help show how they rate your skills as per my social skills below:

And how much do you need a social network to be healthy? :

It’s a pity that the online dating sites don’t also take on more of the social networking model to their sites.  It is almost impossible to get to the assessment or information about the assessment before being bombarded to sign up & view a page of photos of men or women?????  Really hard sell which is so….last season!

The report is divided into a number of headings & sub-headings which make it easy to find whatever in which you are mainly concerned without reading all of the information:

• Personal Characteristics - Summary: World View, Ambition, Intellectualism, Assertiveness, Conscientiousness, Integrity, Adventurousness, Rigidity, Dominance
• Money Attitudes - Summary: Importance of Money
• Social Life - Summary: Interaction with Others, Social Network
• Stress Reaction - Summary: Emotional Intelligence, Coping Skills, Psychological Strength
• Communication Style - Summary: Comfort with Vulnerability, Emotional Intimacy Need, Open-mindedness, Ability to Communicate, Intellectual Exchange
• Conflict Resolution - Summary: Conflict Resolution Skills, Conflict Proneness
• Relationship Issues - Summary: Readiness to Commit, Dating Philosophy
• Romance: Attentiveness, Chivalry, Gender Roles
• Attachment Style - Summary: Healthy Attachment
• Sex Life - Summary: Sexual Experience, Sexual Prowess, Faithfulness
• Advice For Me
• My Ideal Partner: Personal Characteristics, Attitudes and Beliefs, Communication and Conflict, Social Life, Relationship Skills and Attitudes

So according to this report, for me Mr Right is a combination of the following:

Highly emotionally intelligent, Has a positive self-concept, Believes in doing the “right” thing and behaving with integrity, Highly dependable person, Somewhat concerned with being neat and organized,Has a tendency to stick to a daily routine but is flexible, Handles stress with ease, Strikes a balance between being dominant and encouraging equal input, Optimistic, Somewhat spontaneous and fairly open to new experiences, Flexible and open character,Political and social views are midway between conservative and liberal, Has modern perspective on gender roles, Thinks that money is of little importance in life, Spends freely, Able to communicate effectively, Skilled at dealing with conflict, Has characteristics of both an introvert and an extrovert, Possesses good social skills, Places moderate importance on relationships with family and friends, Trustworthy, Needs a lot of emotional intimacy, Somewhat tolerant individual, Willing to rely on others, Ready to be in a committed relationship, Sexually adventurous and open-minded, Faithful when in a relationship, Willing to discuss his/her feelings, Independent, Moderate need for control, Emotionally steady; tolerant of occasional mood swings, Has good control of anger.

Not much to ask really, not sure why there hasn’t been any takers????

Seriously however, this report is great for detail in understanding yourself & your needs in a relationship & what would make a good match for you!  It missed a few things that would be important for me but on a scale of one to 10 I would put it at 8.  What do you think?  It’s a pity True.com site isn’t a little more sensitive to customers!

Would love to hear your experiences in comments below or on the forum.

Now for something totally different, this is a video from David Starkey, a TV director in Belfast, Nth Ireland.  It is a short documentary about the Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival in Ireland with an interview with the resident matchmaker, Willie Daley.   If you are an older woman; haven’t found what you are looking for online dating; can cope with the ‘predatory atmosphere’ (as my daughter summarized it) & lotsa drink then this is the place for you every year in September in Ireland.  Enjoy…..

Today I am going to review Match.com’s site Chemistry Relationship Profile Assessment.  I did their assessment a few years ago when researching this business & tried it again today.  I am amazed that most of the large online dating sites, like Chemistry.com, do not mention anything about their relationship assessments on their site, making it easily accessible.  It means you have to sign up to find out the nitty gritty.  Why wouldn’t they have more openness & exposure - do they think that other companies are going to copy them?????

Not having a lot of patience, I find these assessments can be so…….time consuming & so exhausting.  That’s me anyway, how do you feel about them.

Chemistry’s assessment has been created by Dr Helen Fisher.  Chemistry quotes:

“She’s a world-renowned biological anthropologist, author and expert in the science of human attraction. She spent the last 3 decades figuring out why love makes us go weak in the knees and causes our hearts to skip a beat.”  She has written a few books too and I would suggest reading some of them if you want more detailed background to her research.  You can also find further information at her website.

Chemistry also focuses on matching as per their online quote: “Chemistry is designed for matching, not searching. We search through our entire membership to find a handful of potentially compatible matches based on the results of your Chemistry Profile and your basic demographic preferences (age, location, etc.).”  So they have a lot to live up to with their matching system.  I would have liked to see the relationship assessment before I moved on to the profile but the website doesn’t allow that.

Some of the questions include visuals of how is your hand shaped?  This is obviously originally based on Cheirognomy relating to the length of fingers.  However Cheirognomy sites 7 different types of hands whereas Chemistry only gives you a choice of 4 hands with focus on the length of fingers.

Another visual question is what kind of doodles do you do when waiting for something?  There are 8 types of doodles to choose from.  We doodle when we are not paying attention & so the unconscious has a chance to express so it can be helpful to identify what types of doodles we tend towards & what they mean.  However unlike Cheirognomy, this study does not have ancient roots.  You can find more about interpretation of doodles at about.com

Sensory perception visuals are also offered in the questionnaire to ascertain what parts of the brain are functioning strongly.  This reminded me of the questionnaire for the Hermann Brain Dominance Instrument HBDI , for which I am licensed

On Chemistry there are four main personality types: Explorer, Negotiator, Director, Builder.  You have to complete a lot of questions & at the end complete your profile.  They quote on their website “Characteristics of all four personality types can be found within each of us, but there is almost always one personality type that is dominant. We call this the major personality type.  The Chemistry Profile also identifies your minor or secondary personality type. You exhibit some aspects of this personality type, though not to the same degree as with your major type.”

When I did it a few years ago I came up as follows: E-Explorer - 24% N-Negotiator - 23%
B-Builder - 25% D-Director - 27%.  So Director was my major personality & Builder was the minor personality.  (In Astrology I would not even have had to do my horoscope but just add the quality of the signs to come up with the same configuration.  Time estimate: about 10seconds?)

Pretty general really, same with the interpretation.  I found the Yahoo Personals assessment a lot more in depth - a good 20 pages longer & covering the complexity a little more & more professionally done.  How do you feel?

Then you are rated on: Universal Personality Traits (A globally accepted consensus of the five basic personality traits?) Brackets & ? are mine.  They were for me: Extravert, Agreeable, Conscientious, Open to New Experiences, Emotional Stability.

There is no denying that Match.com has a very large database and obviously that is a great foundation to find a match.  Some are successful & some not but because there is more choice, it is more likely to be successful.  My complaint about Chemistry.com is that they kept spamming me for a long while after I had canceled my profile, which did not make me a happy bunny!  Surely with their large database they don’t need to do things like that but I guess they harass people till they join again, (or respond with a number of angry responses like I did).

I had some good feedback this week from a professional woman, Mary T. Schneider of CxO Value Partners, who met her match on Match.com in 1998 and married him in 2000.  To date they are still together, happily & when I questioned her whether she felt the relationship assessment helped her find her perfect match, she responded: ‘It narrowed the number of potential matches – and I would say the quality of the potential matches as well – by helping us find each other/find those who closely matched our needs/wants.’

What was your experience with Chemistry.com and their relationship assessment - did you find your perfect match, did it help?  Let me know in the comments below.

I would like to leave you with my first video interview with my daughter that I spontaneously filmed whilst waiting to interview the local matchmaker at the Matchmaking Festival in Lisdoonvarna, Ireland in September.  Its a great laugh, or a bit of craic (as the Irish would say)…….

Feel free to leave a comment at YouTube, excuse my hysterical laughter during the interview!  You have to drive on Irish roads to fully appreciate the joke about farmers driving tractors down the road at 5mph in peak hour…….

Today I am starting a review of all the online relationship/profile assessments.  I wanted to commence this services with a review of the Yahoo Personals Relationship Profile Assessment.  Unfortunately this assessment is only available for members on the Yahoo.com platform so you have to be based in the US to avail of it.  I completed this assessment a number of years ago when I was researching my online business of matchmaking.  I thought the report was very good particularly that it was free to complete when you signed up on Yahoo Personals.  It was created by the good people at WeAttract.com which no longer has a presence on the web?  (Let me know if you know where they have disappeared to?)

The main issue that I experienced then, was that not many men completed the long questionnaire so it was difficult to see who were matches & who weren’t?  I gather that some people don’t want to spend hours investing in questionnaires????  Also some people may lie on the questionnaires & that would not give accurate results either?  What do you think??

Yahoo Personals have 12 types of personalities as per below.  Which one fits for you?:

Explorers:Finding your way without a compass

Idealists: Opening the world to new possibilities

Leaders: Getting all you can out of life

Traditionalists: Bringing strength & stability to the world

Individualists: Finding your own path

Rebels: Challenging the status quo

Givers: Bringing out the best in others

Creators: Making your unique contribution to the world

Champions: Sharing your winning attitude

Protectors: Offering a safe harbor

Equalizers: Staying balanced & well-rounded

Observers: Finding inner peace

So you are identified as a personality type, then you are identified with a Love Style as per below.  What Love style fits for you?:

Romantic: You want and expect it all — a lasting connection with someone on every level: mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual.

Passionate: You have the freedom to love intensely and completely-focusing only on the here and now.

Spontaneous:Love should be fun and natural; if it’s not, you’re probably not doing it right.

Destined: Finding your love is like finding the other part of yourself that makes you complete.

Sensible: You’re looking to fall in love with a lifetime companion-someone who’ll share the good times and the bad.

Careful: You uniquely appreciate the pain and loss that love can bring, but choose to love anyway.

The Yahoo Personals Assessment relationship report is very long - mine was 29 pages & very informative.  The whole thing includes:

• Introduction/Summary
• Your Favorite Type
• Your Detailed Comparison
• Best and Worst Fits
• Connecting Sexually
• Who You Attract
• Hot Buttons
• Breaking Past Patterns
• Emotional Intelligence
• Communication Style
• Handling Conflict
• Relationship Steps
• Stumbling Blocks
• What’s Next
• All Personality Types
• All Love Styles

I came out as a Leader with a Passionate Love Style & according to this assessment an Idealist is the best match for me because:

• You’ll be drawn to his kindhearted nature.
• He’s great at motivating and energizing you to be your best.
• His intelligence will be obvious, and you’ll be taken by the creative and inventive way his mind works.
• You’ll find his ambition and competitive edge sexy.

I liked the report on ‘Breaking Past Patterns’ which supports people in making changes in relationship choices moving forward & having more success.  Mine came out as per below, helpful:

“You need to find a less critical and neglectful partner.  All serious relationships bring a mixture of good stuff (such as caring, support, and acceptance) and bad stuff (such as criticism, neglect, and manipulation). In the test, when you looked back on your last relationship, you recalled giving more good stuff than he did, while he gave more of the bad stuff.

Specifically, you often felt put down or criticized by your Ex. It’s only natural that your partner would complain or get irritated with you sometimes. However, your Ex appears to have brought an added level of blame and anger to his complaints. In what he said, or how he said it, he implied that there was something wrong with you as a person.”

The other part of the report that was interesting, a rating of what percentage I would match with other types:

• Champion 55%
• Creator 25%
• Equalizer 5%
• Explorer 15%
• Giver 5%
• Idealist 40%
• Individualist 35%
• Leader 30%
• Observer5%
• Protector25%
• Rebel 25%
• Traditionalist 15%

The other piece that was interesting was a percentage of dates where there would be mutual attraction.  Not sure how they calculate that but fascinating as per below:

“Will the attraction be mutual?
If you went out on 100 dates at random, how many do you think would result in a mutual attraction? This chart shows the percentage of dates where the two of you would be mutually attracted. Given your traits and the types you find attractive, the chart also shows the percentage of times neither of you would be interested and the times when one would be interested but not the other.

• You Like Each Other (4%)
• You Like Him (16%)
• He Likes You (29%)
• No Interest (51%)”

I found this assessment helpful & accurate with some things but it missed key issues/values that I would look for in a partner for myself.  Including an ability to sacrifice ego at times, something that most men find almost impossible to do.  It is promoted as being 30minutes worth of assessment time which only takes 10minutes due to media used in the assessment.  Even then 10minutes is obviously too much time for a lot of the men on Yahoo Personals?

What do you think about the Yahoo Personals Relationship Assessment & have you had success with this in finding a partner?  Let me know in the comments below.  Also if you have an assessment on your website, let me know so I can do a review on it.

Don’t forget to pick up a copy of my ebook ‘Does Your Catch Match?’ - just submit your email on top right sidebar.

I will leave you with this funny cartoon about a mismatch with cars - lesson what you see is not always what you get!  Hysterical…..

‘where do you find a partner for a possible relationship?’  I used to ask this of myself & others & many of my friends & clients still ask me this continually?  Where is the Place to find someone?????   My daughter & I went to Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival in Ireland on the weekend.  You have to hand it to the Irish that they actually have a place (or should I say places, as there are other less well known matchmaking festivals around Ireland) where this modern day dilemma can be solved.  This festival/gathering has at its core the main goal which is to match couples.  Farmers from all over Ireland come down for the weekends & consult or don’t with the resident matchmaker, Willy Dunne.  If you are a woman & are not with a man at this festival, then you are fair game.  As my daughter said (we were two women by ourselves) it was predatory!  I didn’t feel comfortable at all being the prey either so we didn’t stay long.  However everyone was having fun (the Irish word is craic) & dancing at all the hotels.  There was definitely a spirit of celebration in the air & the alcohol was flowing steadily everywhere & that was in the middle of the day.  I’m sure everything was even more lubricated by the time they had gotten into full swing in the evening…..

In today’s world the main areas where people meet or look for partners are online dating sites & social networks.  I am interested in how these sites are for supporting real relationships.  I discovered a poll on DatingSitesReview.com .  They ask: ‘Which dating site would you recommend for the 2007 Dating Sites Reviews Single’s Choice Award?’ & the results of their poll are as follows:

1. eHarmony.com     78 (17.22%)
2. Date.com     27 (5.96%)
3. FriendFinder.com     44 (9.71%)
4. LavaLife     59 (13.02%)
5. Match.com     105 (23.18%)
6. PerfectMatch.com     37 (8.17%)
7. True.com     30 (6.62%)
8. Yahoo! Personals     73 (16.11%)

So Match.com scores highest in this poll!

There are probably smaller niche dating sites that are effective in matching couples?  Let me know below in the comments, if you have any feedback on these sites or others you’ve found work well.

Mashable has a poll on the social networks.  They ask: ‘Which social network is the leader when it comes to what we euphemistically call “dating”?‘  This is how they scored the ‘Luckiest network?’:

• MySpace 141850% of all votes
• Facebook 79628% of all votes
• Friendster 723% of all votes
• Bebo 793% of all votes
• YouTube 502% of all votes
• Xanga 241% of all votes
• hi5 602% of all votes
• Multiply 140% of all votes
• Stickam 281% of all votes
• MyBlogLog 80% of all votes
• Twitter 301% of all votes
• LinkedIn (!) 301% of all votes
• Digg (!) 813% of all votes
• Other (add in comments) 1325% of all votes

Total Votes: 2822 Started: April 24, 2007

So MySpace won the battle of the social networks in this poll.

Mentioned in this poll is Groupware who quotes way back in 2005: ““How will this software get my users laid” should be on the minds of anyone writing social software (and these days, almost all software is social software).  “Social software” is about making it easy for people to do other things that make them happy: meeting, communicating, and hooking up.”

Valleywag mentions in a post about Twitter & quotes: ‘Twitter’s real-time intimacy may seem suited towards building new relationships, but it’s not. It’s best for the loose ties that lead to casual sex.’

Mashable recently did another post ‘Is a Social Media Friend Really a Friend?’  They group people into the following groups:

1. Friends & family
2. Information sources
3. Connectors
4. Prospects
5. Groupies

The post finishes with this statement: ‘would you trust a social media friend with something that’s precious to you? Trust is not a default – it needs to be earned. Maybe that’s the best test to use when trying to figure out if your friends are really friends, online or offline.’

Would love to hear your opinions or feedback about the possibilities of the different sites so that I can tell all those who ask me, where to go for a relationship.  Also any feedback about where not to go & what doesn’t work would be brilliant!

I’d like to leave you with a funny video about online dating.  Enjoy…..