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unfortunately some people exude toxicity i.e., negativity in huge buckets (my interpretation) and sometimes when we are with them we can pick up leakage or spillage, deliberate or not. Toxic is an interesting word & basically means poison originally from Latin ‘toxicus’ and has something to do with the poison used on arrows. (This brings the image of the penetration value of some toxic people!) If we care about someone and want to be with them or see them, then that negative poison seeps through the permeable membrane that exists between us. Our borders are down with someone we care about & so this negativity can affect us. I unwittingly fell victim to this during the week and it took me a few days to come back to myself. I guess unwittingly was the operative word, as if I had been rational I would have not ventured to this meeting.

“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” David Bissonette

Our guard is often down with those we love & so we can be taken unaware by the absorption of negativity into our being. Of course if we are more vulnerable due to circumstances or mood, then this is more likely to occur. We can all be toxic at different times, if we allow negativity to control our minds & bodies. However some people choose (or feel they don’t have any choice due to lack of self awareness?) to be toxic most of the time. There is a summary of toxic types on Oprah’s website:

1. The Blamer
2. The Drainer
3. The Shamer
4. The Discounter
5. The Gossip

These categories make sense to me and there is even a link to a questionnaire to identify how toxic your relationships may be?

Normal

“A considerable percentage of the people we meet on the street are people who are empty inside, that is, they are actually already dead. It is fortunate for us that we do not see and do not know it. If we knew what a number of people are actually dead and what a number of these dead people govern our lives, we should go mad with horror.” George Gurdjieff

Of course it is important to clarify your boundaries in all relationships - both privately with yourself first & then later with the other person clearly & honestly. Moving to the second piece of this equation means taking a lot of responsibility & also courage to assert yourself. And sometimes either due to circumstances or type of relationship this may not even be possible. So in the first instance what can be done so that we are not burdened by unwanted toxicity in our relationship environment? You may just need to take some time out or remove yourself entirely from the situation as toxicity spreads & you can easily be infected. Get outa there now!!!! A Tibetan lama said to me many years ago that people will tend to effect you rather than you effecting them so it is always helpful to be with people that are like-minded & positive. Of course there are remarkable people amongst us who can work amongst great negativity & remain positive & helpful to others. I am obviously very unremarkable? Main point of this post is that it is important that you don’t match up with someone who is from the other camp generally. If you enjoy being positive, stick with someone else who is heading the same direction. Those who prefer more toxic territory need to stick with someone else who can show them further vistas in that territory!

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world!” Wayne Dyer

To help wash yourself down after this post, I wanted to share a very funny Australian video presented by a toxic cane toad (who are honestly & slowly invading the Oz countryside). You may need to have a bit of knowledge about my homeland to really get the joke, it evokes everything that I love about the country (not)…….

have you met your match? If not then this question needs to be answered with more questions:

Where?

Some possibilities:

1. Online Dating
2. Social Networks like Facebook, MySpace etc
3. through friends & family
4. social activities
5. in your local community

“When a match has equal partners then I fear not.” Aeschylus

Times Sq match

When?

Some possibilities:

1. When you are ready
2. When Fate decrees

“I love her too, but our neuroses just don’t match.” Arthur Miller

Snow white match

How?

Some possibilities:

1. Filtering through the available
2. Trying them out
3. Testing through questioning
4. Getting opinions from friends

“Married couples resemble a pair of scissors, often moving in opposite directions, yet punishing anyone who gets in between them.” Sydney Smith

Cartoon match

Where did you find your match? What other options can you add to these lists? Would love to get your feedback as a comment.

Here’s a really funny comedy skit about Facebook, enjoy……..

each generation faces the next over what seems a huge gulf of differences - the generation gap! So that this doesn’t become a stand off, it is important to understand what is on the other side. At times it may seem that we almost need a handy rope bridge of openness & willingness to learn from each other to move across what at times can seem like a widening gap. The biggest gap is of course when adults & teenagers & children meet. This means we also need to take the generation configurations into account when matchmaking to ensure ease for a couple. We can look at the generational planets which help to clarify the general environment and therefore the focus & goals of each generation.

‘To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.‘ Bernard M. Baruch

Mohawk grandmother

There are three broad generations to be aware of on when matchmaking:

1. The World War II Generation born before 1946. Pluto was in Cancer and this made for a generation that were intensely focused on family & home & country. This generation also saw huge transformations in family & home as their children, the Baby Boomers, grew up.
2. The Baby Boomers born between 1946 & 1964. Pluto was in Leo and this made for a ‘me’ generation who were extremely idealistic, as Neptune & Saturn were in Libra. This generation upturned their parents ideals of family & home as Uranus also went through Cancer. They were also pathfinders in different forms of consciousness changes.
3. Generation X born between 1965 & 1977. Pluto was in Virgo and this has made a generation who have upturned work. During this period Pluto also conjuncted Uranus and they are extremely community oriented. They are innovative and are willing to bust apart old structures that are no longer a positive force for society. Work & productivity has become a large focus and individuals are encouraged to leverage their individuality within the group. This generation now that they are mature has a ruthless drive to achieve their goals that has been aided by the speed & amount of information that is available through new technology.

‘I’m seventeen and I’m crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane.‘ Ray Bradbury


Generation park bench

Generally when matching couples, it is easier to make sure that they come from the same generation to ensure a good match. This immediately facilitates communication & understanding as both partners have the same background & developed in the same world wide environment. However in individual cases there may be similarities in modes of operating, even though from different generations & different backgrounds. Of course there are always individuals who are able to bridge generations due to their own personal gifts of awareness and understanding.

‘Another belief of mine: that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.’ Margaret Atwood


Generation gap band

Women also may tend to manifest the generational influence a little differently than men of the same generation. As a result if matching a couple of different generations, identifying from which generation the male (or more active partner) & which generation the female (or more receptive partner) also helps to determine whether there will be challenges to the relationship due to the ground that the individuals spring from.

‘At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.’ P. G. Wodehouse


Punk generation gap

Some individuals are by their own personal configuration are very flexible, adaptable & open minded and they too may find it easier to match with individuals of different generations. Just as some individuals from the same generation may not be suited for matching due to personal configurations. So this part of matching needs to be addressed alongside personal attributes that will work well & easily with a partner.

‘Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.’ Fran Lebowitz


Media generation gap

We now have quick & easy ways to match with others from all over the world via the internet & new technologies. Internet dating & social networks increase the possibilities and matchmaking systems or assessments can reduce the work that used to be part of the sifting & sorting process of matching a perfect mate.

‘The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a little.’ Joe Martin


Generation gap directions

‘I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.‘ Shelley Winters

Here’s a great video from French & Saunders about the generation gap. Enjoy sweetie darlings………

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HcaYjz_H5I

timing is a crucial piece in matchmaking! It is important to identify at the outset whether it is good or bad timing for an individual to have a relationship. Also there are different times in our lives when we want different things from relationships & in a partner. If we manage to find someone who also wants similar things at the same time then we can make the match really work!

“I love the idea of “the one” but I actually believe that there isn’t a Miss Right. There are 12,000 Miss Rights out there and it’s all timing.” Matthew Perry

Great comic from xkcd this week on the same theme (see end of this post)! Despite other positive matching criteria (see past posts) if timing is not right for both parties, this can hinder a good match for a couple. Time is a woman/man made construct and is what defines our little lives here on the planet. There are two aspects of time that we need to consider in matchmaking.

Her Time

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.” Gloria Naylor

They are:

1. Respective ages of each individual
2. Respective current changes or focus in individual’s lives

Mouth timing

“Life is all about timing… the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable… attainable. Have the patience, wait it out. It’s all about timing.” Stacey Charter

• Age is important to some & it is usually very important to most as it determines our preferences & gives a general indicator of where we are up to in life & consciousness. What is important for you in yourself & therefore what you want in a partner changes from 18 to the 30’s to the 40’s. There are certain stages that we all go through in our own individual Technicolor version. Birth, childhood, teenager, young adult, mature adult & wise adult. Women often talk about listening to their ‘biological clock’ which usually refers to their ability to conceive &/or raise children. Older men often have ‘mid-life crises’ manifesting as preferences for young women, who can inspire a younger, more vital experience in their lives. I’d recommend a great book, that I read many years ago, Gail Sheehy’s ‘Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life’ that more clearly highlights some of these stages.

Dragging heart

“You know, sometimes, when they say you’re ahead of your time, it’s just a polite way of saying you have a real bad sense of timing.” George McGovern

• In the midst of the general cycles of life which we all tend to experience, we also have our own individual timing which is a more personal experience. This is our individual movie and therefore we will want to sign up extras based upon our very own individual preferences. An example of this, is that if we have experienced a personal tragedy such as the death of a loved one, we may prefer to have a partner that can have an understanding of this issue, no matter what general stage of life we find ourselves. If we already have children, then we may prefer a partner that can encompass those responsibilities, no matter what general stage of life we find ourselves.

Kangaroo timing

“Observe due measure, for right timing is in all things the most important factor.” Hesiod

Online dating or social networks (virtual reality) are brilliant environments to look for a suitable match because age & individual preferences are often listed. This cuts out a lot of all the preliminaries that go on in the ‘real world’ where a couple need to find out whether they match on these most crucial aspects. One of the best tools that anyone can rely on to gauge both these pieces is astrology. Just as time is a man made construct to measure our time on the planet & in our body, astrology is a man made tool that interprets time generally & time for individuals. By looking at individual’s birth charts and the relationship chart (composite chart), we have deadly accurate information about these timings & therefore preferences of both individuals & whether they can match.

Bad timing xkcd

And here’s a funny video about bad timing in a relationship……