most people are looking for a perfect match, in business or love, in spite of the fact that we all know that perfection doesn’t really exist.  To start with we are not perfect as individuals, yet some of us expect to find ‘perfect’ in a partner?  And some of us have given up not willing to settle for imperfect?   Try the polls below & let me know your position on this question.

The word perfect is from the Latin perfectus meaning “completed”. It implies that it would be all over if we found a perfect match anyway.

‘Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.’ Unknown

Check out a Perfect Match poll here.

The results are pretty interesting.  One of the questions asked have you met your perfect match?

41% of women selected Yes; 59% of women selected No
45% of men selected Yes; 55% of men selected No

Another is where did you meet your perfect match?

14% of women selected Friends or Relatives
21% of women selected School
1% of women selected Work
1% of women selected Traveling
0% of women selected Blind Date
2% of women selected Special Occasion(Party,Wedding,etc.)
1% of women selected Recreational Activities
5% of women selected Internet/Online
1% of women selected Restaurant/Bar/Night Club
2% of women selected Other
52% of women selected Haven’t met my Perfect match yet

18% of men selected Friends or Relatives
24% of men selected School
4% of men selected Work
0% of men selected Traveling
2% of men selected Blind Date
0% of men selected Special Occasion(Party,Wedding,etc.)
4% of men selected Recreational Activities
2% of men selected Internet/Online
0% of men selected Restaurant/Bar/Night Club
4% of men selected Other
41% of men selected Haven’t met my Perfect match yet

“The mind is no match with the heart in persuasion; constitutionality is no match with compassion.” Everett M.Dirks

It seems from the above that the majority of those polled had not found their perfect match.  I suggest if we take the word perfect out of the phrase, then we can be empowered to find a match that relates to our top values.  I base matches on 6 criteria:

1. Romance & sexual attraction
2. Communication
3. Success
4. Challenges
5. Fate or destiny (how out of control we are in the relationship)
6. Commitment or longevity

“I love her too, but our neuroses just don’t match.” Arthur Miller

Once we understand which values we hold highest then it is easier to gage how ‘perfect’ for us as an individual a partner will be, when we are together.  If we chase a mass media ideal of perfection, then we are likely to be disappointed if we don’t try alternate universes.  Here on planet Earth we don’t deal in perfection.

“Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar.” Marguerite Gardiner Blessington

If we are looking for real intimacy & love, then maybe searching for an equal match with someone who scores high on our high values could provide an optimum Earth option?  Then there is enough energy to keep two interested & stimulated & loving without too much competition.

“When a match has equal partners then I fear not.” Aeschylus

Would love to get feedback from you what you think makes a perfect match, try our polls or comment….

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I’ll leave you with a funny video about a perfect match ‘Sex & the Socket’, hysterical……

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unfortunately some people exude toxicity i.e., negativity in huge buckets (my interpretation) and sometimes when we are with them we can pick up leakage or spillage, deliberate or not. Toxic is an interesting word & basically means poison originally from Latin ‘toxicus’ and has something to do with the poison used on arrows. (This brings the image of the penetration value of some toxic people!) If we care about someone and want to be with them or see them, then that negative poison seeps through the permeable membrane that exists between us. Our borders are down with someone we care about & so this negativity can affect us. I unwittingly fell victim to this during the week and it took me a few days to come back to myself. I guess unwittingly was the operative word, as if I had been rational I would have not ventured to this meeting.

“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” David Bissonette

Our guard is often down with those we love & so we can be taken unaware by the absorption of negativity into our being. Of course if we are more vulnerable due to circumstances or mood, then this is more likely to occur. We can all be toxic at different times, if we allow negativity to control our minds & bodies. However some people choose (or feel they don’t have any choice due to lack of self awareness?) to be toxic most of the time. There is a summary of toxic types on Oprah’s website:

These categories make sense to me and there is even a link to a questionnaire to identify how toxic your relationships may be?

“A considerable percentage of the people we meet on the street are people who are empty inside, that is, they are actually already dead. It is fortunate for us that we do not see and do not know it. If we knew what a number of people are actually dead and what a number of these dead people govern our lives, we should go mad with horror.” George Gurdjieff

Of course it is important to clarify your boundaries in all relationships - both privately with yourself first & then later with the other person clearly & honestly. Moving to the second piece of this equation means taking a lot of responsibility & also courage to assert yourself. And sometimes either due to circumstances or type of relationship this may not even be possible. So in the first instance what can be done so that we are not burdened by unwanted toxicity in our relationship environment? You may just need to take some time out or remove yourself entirely from the situation as toxicity spreads & you can easily be infected. Get outa there now!!!! A Tibetan lama said to me many years ago that people will tend to effect you rather than you effecting them so it is always helpful to be with people that are like-minded & positive. Of course there are remarkable people amongst us who can work amongst great negativity & remain positive & helpful to others. I am obviously very unremarkable? Main point of this post is that it is important that you don’t match up with someone who is from the other camp generally. If you enjoy being positive, stick with someone else who is heading the same direction. Those who prefer more toxic territory need to stick with someone else who can show them further vistas in that territory!

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world!” Wayne Dyer

To help wash yourself down after this post, I wanted to share a very funny Australian video presented by a toxic cane toad (who are honestly & slowly invading the Oz countryside). You may need to have a bit of knowledge about my homeland to really get the joke, it evokes everything that I love about the country (not)…….

we have all experienced chemistry with someone else and in spite of this widespread experience, we are not sure about exactly what it is or how it happens.  Online dating sites try to determine it, because if this element is missing in a relationship, then it may easily fizzle or not happen at all! Everyone knows it by its absence or presence but most have no idea where it comes from. Match.com even created a site called Chemistry.com which attempts to determine this element in a dating site. The site is based on Dr Helen Fisher’s research into why people are attracted to each other. The thing I notice about all the theories about chemistry between people is that what is often not recognized is that chemistry is a different sort of experience for different sorts of folks. It seems there is even a movie around called The Chemistry of Dating.

1. Physical chemistry: This is raw physical attraction where bodies speak to each other despite any lack of attraction on other levels. This is usually experienced as buzz in the body, mainly focused in the sexual organs & an erotic desire.
2. Mind chemistry: This is when our ideas & communication styles attract & connect us to each other. This is usually experienced as a high feeling & desire for more of this kind of mental stimulus.
3. Feeling chemistry: This is when our emotions attract & wash over each other. This is usually experienced as feelings of bliss & extreme intimacy before any words or physical activity together.
4. Inspiration chemistry: This is when our ideals & visions attract & meet another’s so that the imagination becomes extremely ignited. This is usually experienced as extreme passion & subtle connection to each other.

We all have differences and these differences also manifest in our experience of chemistry. Therefore it goes without saying that each of us would have different requirements to experience chemistry with another. Obviously the easiest matches are when like meets like i.e. physical chemistry person meets physical chemistry person. No difficulties just pure physical chemistry between each other.

• Physical chemistry with mind chemistry have their challenges. They face difficulties and may find they are not turned on by each other.
• Physical chemistry with feeling chemistry can be a wonderful match & can result in blissed out lust for each other.
• Physical chemistry with inspiration chemistry has a bit of a gulf to cross with each other. Inspiration may find physical too gross and body centered whilst physical may find inspiration not present enough in their body and too ethereal.
• Mind chemistry has good attraction with inspiration chemistry and can be truly uplifted easily by each other.
• Mind chemistry has great difficulties however with feeling chemistry. Feeling may find mind too distant and unreachable emotionally and mind may find feeling incoherent or even stupid.
• Feeling chemistry can find challenges with inspiration chemistry, finding them too out of touch with vulnerability and those associated feelings whilst inspiration may find that feeling not focused on dynamic expression

When we pay more attention to the magic we experience with others, we can identify the subtle differences. A quote from Robert Frost however says it all:

‘We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and knows.’

Here’s a funny video on dating & chemistry from Melbs, in Oz, where I used to live many moons ago…..

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Table of contents for AstraMatching

1. express yourself
2. relationship chemistry investigated
3. feeling comfortable with your partner?
4. meeting of minds
5. sexual compatibility
6. generation gap
7. going the distance?
8. how funny do you rate your partner?
9. too close for comfort?
10. bad timing?
11. formula for success