beginnings

beginnings are always challenging. Waiting to see what the new birth looks like???? I discovered the writer within, only 3 years ago and am filled with joy every time I put finger to keyboard now. But that still doesn’t diminish the excitement tinged with fear when the words come tumbling out onto the screen. Will they make sense & most of all will they bring meaning & profundity with them??? (As you can see I have high demands & expectations of my words!) This is my first post in my weblog as I have finally made the time in my busy life to start this process, creating sacred territory for this my first outpouring.

I have fought being a relationship expert most of my life, although other people kept putting me in that niche. The beginning of my ‘expert status’ started when very young: the eldest of 4 girls and my father was an airline pilot with Qantas so hardly ever home & after all those long hauls – he spent most of his time in recovery anyway when he returned. My mother was mostly in an ‘unable to cope’ state and so I grew up to be quite wise starting at the grand old age of 3. She would talk to me about her issues with my siblings & father & I had to give her support. My father had a great interest in psychology & people which I obviously inherited from him. He gave me a book ‘Games People Play’ by Eric Berne when I was not even a teenager. I developed my skills & awarenesses so I had something to talk to him about when he was available. Any realizations of my own were greeted with much desired attention & acknowledgment from him so I strained to develop in that area.

It was like being an invisible 3rd person in these relationships because these relationships were not about me but about them. I was the observer and so more able to stay awake, as often relationships trigger our unconscious bags of tricks and so often it is difficult to understand what is happening and why we are not having fun. I have discovered since those early days that a 3rd person can be somewhat like a light in the darkness & general murkiness of relationships. So I shone brightly to survive my family and now it is second nature to shine light on unseen, unknown and misunderstood matters especially as it refers to relationships between others.

As an adult I am still fascinated by trying to understand how & why relationships between people work or don’t! Many people have benefited from my focus & research both personally and through my careers in the past. At this point in my life, due to a few years of ill health, I am using the written word as my foundation. In those early years, I can remember saying to my mother that the best solution in those critical relationships was Love! Where did I get that from??? Who knows, but a child’s wisdom can often be closer to truth than the tried & true adult version!

Now I remember the advice of the child within but in the mix are also my foundation of Jungian psychology, relationship coaching tools, astrological background and more importantly my experience of 55 years relating with people all over the world. Even with all those years of learning & focus I still find that there is a mysterious component, possibly some magic, at work in relationships & in me and of course I am trying to track & pin it down!