a new take on loneliness

» Posted in Matchmaking, Relationships at

I have a rather unusual take on loneliness. I find it precious and encourage people to form a relationship with their experience of loneliness. This guarantees that we don’t throw our loneliness at partners or potential partners & expect them to look after it or entertain us to distract us from it. This is the sure way to scare anyone off, even someone who really cares about us. Loneliness comes out of time spent alone; this can be short periods or longer periods. The point where it becomes loneliness is different for all of us. Some of us need large amounts of time alone and smaller in company with others. Others like less time alone, maybe no time at all. Then there are times in our lives when we need more time alone due to circumstances and also other times less time due to other circumstances.

fish out of water

When we go over & above time required alone, then usually we can feel our loneliness. It actually lives deep inside us and emanates from our soul. It is related to the core of our humanity. It is important not to be afraid of it, not to avoid it & not to distract ourselves when we feel lonely. Because when we relate it is the part of us that takes us eagerly & willingly to relate to the other. It meets another’s loneliness in recognition and understanding. It means we can then dance together.

tulip falling aside

In our culture it is still frowned upon to spend too much time on your own. No one else can determine for each of us what is too much or too little. We all have our own individual requirements and it is important not to judge others by our own standards or needs. When we are comfortable to sit with our own loneliness, we can then even create a little more time alone when in a relationship, if we choose. We can then reinvigorate our loneliness and its joy in meeting our partner’s loneliness when we come together in a relationship. This is commonly called missing someone. People in long distance relationships are familiar with this because the appreciation of the other and the relationship stays strong through physical separation.

We can feel lonely in relationships too and this can be the hardest kind of loneliness. This can happen when each person is no longer aware of their own or their partner’s loneliness or is ignoring it. Walls are developed so we can’t feel our own loneliness and the other’s. We effectively cut ourselves off emotionally from our partner & so we can separate. This usually occurs long before a couple physically separate.

lotus alone

At the beginning of every relationship it is important to agree the demarcation lines that will suit both. Both people can create the right mix of alone time & together time to make the relationship a perfect match! If you have comments on this way of thinking, I would appreciate your feedback below.

candle alone