like attracts like?

I have been reading an article from the Pasadena Weekly titled ‘The Love Lab: Our intrepid reporter goes behind the doors of eHarmony Labs to find out whether research can illuminate the mysteries of the human heart.’  by Ilsa Setziol

I have quoted some parts of the article below as this is of extreme interest to me & something that I have been looking into years through relationship astrological charts.

“When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.” Richard C. Cushing

Ilsa interviews a researcher at eHarmony where they believe that like attracts like when it comes to matching couples:

According to eHarmony, similar people are more likely to get together in the first place because their attraction is stronger. In another study, eHarmony scientists brought together strangers for quick chats, similar to a speed dating arrangement. They evaluated what made couples want to meet again and tried to project whom someone would click with. It isn’t a perfect prediction, Gonzaga says, but that sort of clicking at the beginning  which we think is a lot about people understanding each other really quickly that does seem to predict that, if a relationship occurs, it seems to make [it] strong.

When someone else is like you and has the same attitudes, Gonzaga explains, that validates the attitudes that you have.  They’re making you feel better about yourself. The second reason I think this is the most powerful thing for long-term relationships is that people get each other. If we are the same kind of person and we see the world in the same ways, we can actually coordinate our behavior to deal with things because we can anticipate and understand what the other person is going through.  And you can’t say Gonzaga doesn’t walk the walk: Last June, he married fellow researcher Heather Setrakian.

“Like associates with like.” Marcus T. Cicero

I disagree with eHarmony’s findings as I believe that in certain areas or dynamics & for certain people that opposites attract.  Ilsa continues her research:

Am I out of touch? Deluded? Maybe I should see a shrink ¦ or at least meet one for coffee. I catch up with psychiatrist Timothy J. Pylko at Peet’s on Lake in Pasadena. He confesses he’s also a bit surprised by some of the research. I can only talk anecdotally, he said, but I see complementary personalities working well. He means complementary, but different; Oftentimes, someone who is very gregarious and outgoing is balanced by someone who is a little bit more introverted.

“When people are like each other they tend to like each other.” Anthony Robbins

However I do believe that like attracts like in many instances.

I just don’t believe it, says Walter E. Brackelmanns, a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA. He says he has reviewed several of the studies, but my experience in 25 years as a couples expert says similarity is not what attracts people.  Brackelmanns recommends dating services, but he says they don’t match so much as rule out certain choices.  And they’re not as accurate as one would like to believe, he adds. He sees similar political and religious views as helpful, although not necessary.  What’s most significant is an X factor that no one has been able to put their finger on. It’s outside of awareness.

Pasadena psychologist Barbara Janetske says she has studied the methodology behind psychological surveys. Perusing the eHarmony matching questionnaire, she says, A survey of oneself is just that an estimate of how individuals view themselves.  She says that a true scientific evaluation of personality would include methods for checking accuracy, something too invasive for a dating service.

“When a woman behaves like a man why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?” Dame Edna Everidge

Part of the mystery of attraction is when we find someone who seems to embody differences that are not fully conscious in ourselves.  Its fascinating & certainly helps creates the mystery & chemistry in Love.  Astrological relationship charts show the fascinating mix of attraction & shared common comrade in arms values.

What has been your experiences with partners, as everyone is so diverse, this is an a really interesting conversation.  Let me know in the comments below.

Today I’ll leave you with a funny Virgin ad about like attracting like.  Enjoy….

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