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humor - do you find your partner funny? Does your partner find you funny? How important is this quality for you in relationships? Sharing a similar sense of humor is imperative for a successful match between people. I feel that to be able to laugh at each other & at oneself is a necessary to glide more easily through relationship & life. Laughter brings us energy, helps us let go & relax & generally brings joy! Laughter brings our bodies & souls into a very open place (similar to crying), which means we can connect with others more authentically.

The word humor has interesting origins originating from “any of the four body fluids” (blood, phlegm, choler, and melancholy or black bile) whose relative proportions were thought to determine state of mind. This led to a sense of “mood, temporary state of mind” (first recorded 1525); the sense of “amusing quality, funniness” is first recorded 1682, probably via sense of “whim, caprice” (1565).

“Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth — a sense of humor.” Unknown

funny vegetable couple

I was reading an article online about the issue between men & women’s differences regarding humor in attraction. It had been backed up by a humor researcher (wot a great job to have - I wonder if he gets to laugh a lot?) In summary it seems that women look for men who can make them laugh whereas men appreciate a woman who laughs at their jokes? Now I understand the lack of boy’s attention when I was a teenager because I love to laugh & also crack jokes myself. That’s solved that mystery???

“I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.” Edward Albee

Wikipedia mentions also that humor depends on culture, geographical location, maturity, education & context. These broad categories are certainly important as a basic foundation when matching people’s sense of humor. However there are also within these there are predispositions to certain types of humor.

“Humor is the first gift to perish in a foreign language.” Virginia Woolf

According to the Online Entymology Dictionary there are the following forms of humor:

1. Humor which aims at discovery created by observation
2. Wit which aims at throwing light created by surprise
3. Satire which aims at amendment created by accentuation
4. Sarcasm which aims at creating pain created by inversion
5. Invective which aims to discredit created by direct statement
6. Irony which aims at exclusiveness created by mystification
7. Cynicism which aims at self justification created by exposure of nakedness
8. Sardonic which aims at self relief created by pessimism

This is a pretty comprehensive list to which I could do no better justice.

“Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.” James Thurber

However I believe there are four very general senses of humor & those who appreciate them. My types are based on an astrological foundation but I won’t confound you with those terms. This is how they may look without the jargon (my own ‘comedy of errors’):

1. Idealistic humor which mainly plays with the use of words & connections eg wisecracks, repartee
2. Emotional humor which mainly plays with feeling experiences eg. sitcoms & situational humor
3. Physical humor which mainly plays with physical experiences eg. slapstick, clowning
4. Passionate humor which mainly plays with the imagination & fantasy eg. cartoons, satire

Obviously if we have the same value in the kind of humor that we appreciate as our partner, we match easily with no problem. Idealistic humor may find it difficult to laugh or enjoy Emotional humor and the same goes for Physical humor & Passionate humor. However Idealist humor will find also find it difficult with Physical humor, although if other factors are strong in the match then they can learn to tolerate & appreciate each other’s sense of humor. This would also be the case with Emotional humor & Passionate humor. However Idealistic humor & Passionate humor are much more easily able to relate to each other’s sense of humor along with Emotional & Physical humor.

“Humor is just another defense against the universe.” Mel Brooks

Postnote: Great post on MoreIntelligentLife.com on the science of humor - interesting!

I will leave you with a very funny video of a couple & their first married dance together. Enjoy………

happy birfday! AstraMatch blog is one! Tuesday 24th June 2008 is our first anniversary! Starting with the first tentative posts it has moved to a fun & exciting weekly adventure of writing. Still not happy with lack of connection with the wider community due to original lack of SEO support from those who worked on the site. This coming year I look forward to feeling more connected to the greater internet community through SEO implementation. Exciting things to come!

Share a champes & blow out the candle with me by sharing some of my favorite past posts listed below as links:

“Time does not change us. It just unfolds us.”Max Frisch

Birthday mouse

sex sells?

traditional Irish matchmaking

love is an adventure

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” William Shakespeare

Birthday plate

why Women love gentlemen

the power of kindness

the bravado of bullying

‘While it’s often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, what’s usually overlooked, is that really and truly, it couldn’t have. Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things “might have been,” are based upon fictionalized versions of the past. Most of the time when people think the present could have been different than it is, it’s because they think the past was different than it was. Happily, the future can still be anything.’ Mike Dooley

Birthday cake

freedom

bad timing?

“Age doesn’t matter, unless you’re cheese.”Billie Burke

have you met your match? If not then this question needs to be answered with more questions:

Where?

Some possibilities:

1. Online Dating
2. Social Networks like Facebook, MySpace etc
3. through friends & family
4. social activities
5. in your local community

“When a match has equal partners then I fear not.” Aeschylus

Times Sq match

When?

Some possibilities:

1. When you are ready
2. When Fate decrees

“I love her too, but our neuroses just don’t match.” Arthur Miller

Snow white match

How?

Some possibilities:

1. Filtering through the available
2. Trying them out
3. Testing through questioning
4. Getting opinions from friends

“Married couples resemble a pair of scissors, often moving in opposite directions, yet punishing anyone who gets in between them.” Sydney Smith

Cartoon match

Where did you find your match? What other options can you add to these lists? Would love to get your feedback as a comment.

Here’s a really funny comedy skit about Facebook, enjoy……..

how close is too close for comfort for you? We all have different requirements when it comes to how close we want to be to others. There is a cultural component to this, as different nationalities generally require different physical space between themselves & others.  Australians like myself have the biggest requirement for space between self & others, understandably as we are a small population in a very large country. The US follows Oz & also like to have lots of space between themselves & others physically. However when I moved to Europe years ago, I was struck at how much closer people are comfortable with others. Asia of course is similar as these areas in the world are where many people are located in smaller areas.

‘Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.‘ Rene Yasenek

plane close

The word close comes from the old French word clos meaning ‘confined’ and from the Latin clausus meaning to stop up, fasten, shut. This gives great visuals of how some people personally experience being close with another. On an individual level some of us need a certain amount of physical space & time between those with whom we are close. And some of us personally need very little physical space & time between those with whom we are close. For a match between a couple to work, this is certainly an area that needs to be addressed. It is not a personal rejection when someone needs space & time separate from someone close, particularly if they may be going through a particularly intense time or change in their life.

‘People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.’ Margaret Cho, weblog

Statue close

Apart from different times in our lives when our needs for being close & separate are in flux due to life circumstances, each individual has a general pattern that suits them. In matching a couple I find it helpful to look at this, to ensure a successful match. The need for space & freedom is the main principle to identify in finding how close a person wants to be with another. There are four main categories of type:

1. Idealistic freedom - the need for space & freedom as regards thoughts & ideas
2. Emotional freedom - the need for space & freedom as regards feelings
3. Physical freedom - the need for space & freedom physically in space
4. Passionate freedom - the need for freedom & space as regards vision & ideals

‘Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.’ George Burns

Buffalo

• Obviously like qualities go easily & well together, it comes naturally to respect their partner’s need for space & freedom as they hold the same value.
• Idealistic Freedom with Emotional Freedom face each other over a wide gulf of differences in values in how close & separate they need to be with each other to be comfortable
• Idealistic Freedom with Physical Freedom can struggle to stay in sync but if other issues are easy then the can learn to honor each other’s values for closeness & separateness
• Idealistic Freedom with Passionate Freedom easily identify with each other’s values for closeness & separateness & can adapt to suit each other
• Emotional Freedom easily identify with each other’s values for closeness & separateness & they too can easily adapt to suit each other
• Emotional Freedom with Passionate Freedom can learn from each other to respect their differences, particularly if other aspects of the relationship works well
• Physcial Freedom with Passionate Freedom also struggle to stay in synch with each other’s needs for closeness & separateness due to a wide difference in their values in this area

‘Electronic communication is an instantaneous and illusory contact that creates a sense of intimacy without the emotional investment that leads to close friendships.’ Clifford Stoll

close deer

Generations also have different needs for closeness & separateness. Nowadays we can be close to someone who we have never physically met. Virtual reality has changed our values in close & separate relationships. The XGen who are now in their prime generally have great need for space & freedom in their relationships. So this fits well with virtual relationships. However human nature has a continuum through all the generations. What works in virtual reality may not work well in day to day living or in the bedroom! This makes it even more important to understand who we are and what our real needs are before we match with others who will share this dimension of our lives.

Heres a funny video about what can happen when someone gets too close for comfort, watch his facial movements…..

each generation faces the next over what seems a huge gulf of differences - the generation gap! So that this doesn’t become a stand off, it is important to understand what is on the other side. At times it may seem that we almost need a handy rope bridge of openness & willingness to learn from each other to move across what at times can seem like a widening gap. The biggest gap is of course when adults & teenagers & children meet. This means we also need to take the generation configurations into account when matchmaking to ensure ease for a couple. We can look at the generational planets which help to clarify the general environment and therefore the focus & goals of each generation.

‘To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.‘ Bernard M. Baruch

Mohawk grandmother

There are three broad generations to be aware of on when matchmaking:

1. The World War II Generation born before 1946. Pluto was in Cancer and this made for a generation that were intensely focused on family & home & country. This generation also saw huge transformations in family & home as their children, the Baby Boomers, grew up.
2. The Baby Boomers born between 1946 & 1964. Pluto was in Leo and this made for a ‘me’ generation who were extremely idealistic, as Neptune & Saturn were in Libra. This generation upturned their parents ideals of family & home as Uranus also went through Cancer. They were also pathfinders in different forms of consciousness changes.
3. Generation X born between 1965 & 1977. Pluto was in Virgo and this has made a generation who have upturned work. During this period Pluto also conjuncted Uranus and they are extremely community oriented. They are innovative and are willing to bust apart old structures that are no longer a positive force for society. Work & productivity has become a large focus and individuals are encouraged to leverage their individuality within the group. This generation now that they are mature has a ruthless drive to achieve their goals that has been aided by the speed & amount of information that is available through new technology.

‘I’m seventeen and I’m crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane.‘ Ray Bradbury


Generation park bench

Generally when matching couples, it is easier to make sure that they come from the same generation to ensure a good match. This immediately facilitates communication & understanding as both partners have the same background & developed in the same world wide environment. However in individual cases there may be similarities in modes of operating, even though from different generations & different backgrounds. Of course there are always individuals who are able to bridge generations due to their own personal gifts of awareness and understanding.

‘Another belief of mine: that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.’ Margaret Atwood


Generation gap band

Women also may tend to manifest the generational influence a little differently than men of the same generation. As a result if matching a couple of different generations, identifying from which generation the male (or more active partner) & which generation the female (or more receptive partner) also helps to determine whether there will be challenges to the relationship due to the ground that the individuals spring from.

‘At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.’ P. G. Wodehouse


Punk generation gap

Some individuals are by their own personal configuration are very flexible, adaptable & open minded and they too may find it easier to match with individuals of different generations. Just as some individuals from the same generation may not be suited for matching due to personal configurations. So this part of matching needs to be addressed alongside personal attributes that will work well & easily with a partner.

‘Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.’ Fran Lebowitz


Media generation gap

We now have quick & easy ways to match with others from all over the world via the internet & new technologies. Internet dating & social networks increase the possibilities and matchmaking systems or assessments can reduce the work that used to be part of the sifting & sorting process of matching a perfect mate.

‘The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a little.’ Joe Martin


Generation gap directions

‘I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.‘ Shelley Winters

Here’s a great video from French & Saunders about the generation gap. Enjoy sweetie darlings………

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HcaYjz_H5I