feeling comfortable with your partner?

When matchmaking, one of the major issues that needs to be addressed between two people is how comfortable they feel with each other. This is particularly crucial if the relationship may progress towards a live in setup. When sharing the same living space lack of comfort for either person can result in troubles within the relationship. When we are at home, we need to be able to feel comfortable and relaxed. It is a basic need and is the foundation for everything else in our lives. People have 4 basic different types of comfort needs and most of us would relate to one of these, at least generally.

1. Physical & sensate comfort. This type of person likes some sort of practical order in their home which is functional & relaxing for them. They would each have an individual taste within that broad range of physical comfort.
2. This type of person likes a vibrant, positive & inspiring atmosphere in their home and feels comfortable with a certain degree of freedom at all times. They would each have individual styles within this broad range.
3. The comfort of intellectual stimulation. This type of person likes to be able to talk, think and write in their home. They would each have an individual style or preference within this broad range of intellectual stimulation.
4. The comfort of expression of feeling. This type of person likes to be able to express and exchange feelings in their own home. They would each have an individual style & preference within this broad range of expression.

When we match our individual need for comfort with another’s, we can either totally relax with each other or not. Of course there are varying shades of grey between these two states.

• Obviously if we have the same needs for comfort, we easily relax & feel comfortable with each other when at home. We are not at cross purposes with the other when we wind down.
• Those who need a practical level of comfort can easily coexist with those who like a level of feeling comfort. They can both relate to each other’s needs and can support each other in relaxing together.

• However those who like practical comfort may conflict with those who like freedom comfort. The level of energy required for a free spirit may be too destabilizing for the practical and the practical person may prove to be too confining and boring for the freedom lover.

• The practical person may find the intellectual person too wordy and too mentally active to really relax. The intellectual may find the practical too dull and focused on the sensate level for their mental needs. However these two types can learn about each other’s needs for comfort if there is enough incentive and organize a system together that works for both.

• The free spirit may easily live with the intellectual as they can both inspire & communicate enough to keep the atmosphere moving and therefore comfortable for both.
• The free spirit may find the feeling type different but together they can inspire each other to gain meaning & comfort through each other’s needs if both are willing to learn.

• The intellectual however may find it distinctly uncomfortable with the feeling type and therefore that may bring down or stop the flow of mental activity. The feeling type may find the intellectual type disconnected emotionally and dysfunctional in any feeling exchange creating a distinct discomfort together.

It takes all types to make the wonderful spectrum of human nature and it takes different experiences to make us feel comfortable when we unwind & relax in our homes. What is right for one may not be right for another, however if we can respect each other’s differences & different needs for comfort, we can support everyone in feeling comfortable in our home. Communication can also be a bridge of understanding what each of us needs to feel comfortable.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZVXp9yfbY7Q[/youtube]

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