February 3rd, 2008

disappointment

» Posted in Love, Relationships at 11:36 am

I experienced a big disappointment this week that brought me to thinking about disappointments in relationships. The word disappoint comes from the Medieval French word desappointer meaning “undo the appointment, remove from office’. Modern sense of the word is “to frustrate expectations” which is from secondary meaning of “fail to keep an appointment.”

When we relate with others we bring our own ideals & fantasies to the mix as we meet and mingle. The honeymoon period of any relationship usually carries with it its own ready made fog of infatuation and desire mingled with an insane quality of unrealistic perfection! During this initial period we may not know where we are going or who we are relating to, however it is fun! Like watching a really good movie (only it may last for more than 2 or 3 hours) we are transported beyond ourselves and our mundane lives & worries. We become more than who we are and our partner receives all the fantasies and projections we have stored in the unconscious. Here at last is the perfect partner for us – our ship has finally come in!

Disappointment

Enjoy this time while you can, it does not last! Thank goodness really, because often we are not truly aware of who we are relating to and how the relationship is really going! After some time it may stop being fun for periods and reality creeps in, and we may discover that we have been living with the frog prince or princess. Only now they may appear more like a frog than a prince for longer & longer periods. This is an important time as we can really get to know the person behind the paper cut out, that we have been playing with until now. You both may experience this at the same time or have different timing on when the fog lifts and your partner is revealed. It can be so shocking & disappointing that it finishes the relationship or both can make a conscious choice to pursue the learning and revealing to the heart of Love!

Certain Doom

We may literally feel that our partner has failed to keep their appointment with us! However this is the time that we can correlate our highest values in a partner with the reality of the human being we are partnering. Communication about our disappointment is important, both with our partner and others who support & love us. The fantasy was an expression of us all along & now comes the hard work of pulling that projection back and experiencing our own humanity as we learn about our partners. This is a warts & all kind of experience! If we cannot bring this into our human experience we will be fated to go from partner to partner and disappointment will be our only constant companion!
Hope you enjoy this funny video about one man’s particular disappointment! Enjoy….

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Date posted: Sunday, February 3rd, 2008 11:36 am | Under category: Love, Relationships
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pemo

Thanks for stopping by Christine, it's always hard to know how someone feels about us. Men in particular often don’t even know themselves or don’t know how to express how they feel about someone. I always suggest to my clients that they communicate clearly with partners & request honesty back but there are no guarantees whether you will receive an honest response. Sometimes we are not even honest with ourselves. I understand that you felt someone liked you initially & now you feel he doesn’t & I gather that you are heartbroken by this. The best advice I can give is to look after yourself & do some really nice kind things for yourself. Whatever else happens try not to let this affect your confidence or self esteem. On some level this is not so much about you, but about him as he is the one that appears to have changed. I am wishing you happy, healthy relationships in the future. Best Pemo

christine

what do u do if u think a guy liked u but only find out in the end that he dont
please help

pemo

Thanks for stopping by Christine, it's always hard to know how someone feels about us. Men in particular often don’t even know themselves or don’t know how to express how they feel about someone. I always suggest to my clients that they communicate clearly with partners & request honesty back but there are no guarantees whether you will receive an honest response. Sometimes we are not even honest with ourselves. I understand that you felt someone liked you initially & now you feel they don’t & I gather that you are heartbroken by this. The best advice I can give is to look after yourself & do some really nice kind things for yourself. Whatever else happens try not to let this affect your confidence or self esteem. On some level this is not so much about you, but about him as he is the one that appears to have changed. I am wishing you happy, healthy relationships in the future. Best Pemo