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You’ve gotta love being a woman & being subject to hormones from woe to go! It turns out that they tend to dominate your body through the life - with their comings & goings. Beware a hormonal woman! Of course it is these little messengers that are also responsible on a biological level for the impetus for relationships. Its always a great reminder to me that at some level I am not in control as the phases of my life unfold - on some level I make the best of these natural things!

I decided that I would investigate them and found the following information:
‘Hormones carry messages from glands to cells to maintain chemical levels in the bloodstream that achieve homeostasis. “Hormone” comes from a word that means, “to spur on.” This reflects how the presence of hormones acts as a catalyst for other chemical changes at the cellular level necessary for growth, development, and energy.

As members of the endocrine system, glands manufacture hormones. Hormones circulate freely in the bloodstream, waiting to be recognized by a target cell, their intended destination. The target cell has a receptor that can only be activated by a specific type of hormone. Once activated, the cell knows to start a certain function within its walls. Genes might get activated, or energy production resumed.

There are two types of hormones known as steroids and peptides. In general, steroids are sex hormones related to sexual maturation and fertility. Steroids are made from cholesterol either by the placenta when we’re in the womb, or by our adrenal gland or gonads (testes or ovaries) after birth. Steroids determine physical development from puberty on to old age, as well as fertility cycles. Peptides regulate other functions such as sleep and sugar concentration. They are made from long strings of amino acids, so sometimes they are referred to as ‘protein’ hormones. Growth hormone, for example, helps us burn fat and build up muscles. Another peptide hormone, insulin, starts the process to convert sugar into cellular energy.’

So that explains the physical reality of what happens, but not how to adjust to as the hormonal rhythm which goes up & down during our lifetime.

Many years ago I also learnt about xenoestrogens from reading a book called ‘Passage to Power’ by Leslie Kenton. These are artificial female hormones which can heighten your risk of breast cancer and prostrate cancer. They are found in plastics and in the hormones that are fed to stock. We have to be careful not to get too many of xenoestrogens or it throws us off balance even further! When my dad got prostrate cancer he had treatment with female hormones as well as chemotherapy. He did eventually died of another species of prostrate cancer.

It all seems so reflective of needing to achieve balance in our lives, our relationships and our bodies and of the challenges we face in this time on the planet where so much seems to be out of balance! Yin/Yang & Feminine/Masculine & Love/Death

Here’s a funny ad called ‘Hormones A-Ragin”

The differences between men and women are many & varied. Its amazing really that we manage to meet at all and somehow have relationships? Of course the differences are what brings the initial interest and fascination with each other. At the end it is also what drives us crazy about the other! Yin & yang!

In fact I have been researching the biological differences in our brains for a number of years since reading a book called ‘Brain Sex’ The real difference between men and women by Anne Moir, Ph.D. and David Jessel. A sample from this book:

“The differences are apparent in the very first hours after birth. It has been shown that girl babies are much more interested than boys in people and faces; the boys seem just as happy with an object dangled in front of them. Girls say their first words and learn to speak in short sentences earlier than boys and are generally more fluent in their pre-school years. They read earlier, too, and do better in coping with the building blocks of language like grammar, punctuation and spelling. Boys outnumber girls 4:1 in remedial reading classes. Later, women find it easier to master foreign languages, and are more proficient in their own, with better command of grammar and spelling. They are also more fluent: stuttering and other speech defects occur almost exclusively among boys.

Girls and women hear better than men. When the sexes are compared, women show a greater sensitivity to sound. The dripping tap will get the woman out of bed before the man has even woken up. Six times as many girls as boys can sing in tune. They are also more adept in noticing small changes in volume, which goes some way to explaining womens’ superior sensitivity to that “tone of voice” which their male partners are so often accused of adopting. Men and women even see some things differently. Women see better in the dark. They are more sensitive to the red end of the spectrum, seeing more red hues there than men, and have a better visual memory. Men see better than women in bright light. Intriguing results also show that men tend to be literally blinkered; they see in a narrow field - mild tunnel vision - with greater concentration on depth. They have a better sense of perspective than women. Women, however, quite literally take in the bigger picture. They have wider peripheral vision, because they have more of the receptor rods and cones in the retina, at the back of the eyeball, to receive a wider arc of visual input.

The differences extend to the other senses. Women react faster, and more acutely, to pain, although their overall resistance to long-term discomfort is greater than men’s. In a sample of young adults, females showed “overwhelmingly” greater sensitivity to pressure on the skin on every part of the body. In childhood and maturity, women have a tactile sensitivity so superior to men’s that in some tests there is no overlap between the scores of the two sexes; in these, the least sensitive woman is more sensitive than the most sensitive man.”

Referring to the Scientific American article ‘Sex Differences in the Brain’ by Doreen Kimura “The area in the brain that regulates female and male reproductive behavior is the hypothalamus. This tiny structure at the base of the brain connects to the pituitary, the master endocrine gland. It has been shown that a region of the hypothalamus is visibly larger in male rats than in females and that this size difference is under hormonal control. Scientists have also found parallel sex differences in a clump of nerve cells in the human brain–parts of the interstitial nucleus of the anterior hypothalamus–that is larger in men than in women. Even sexual orientation and gender identity have been related to anatomical variation in the hypothalamus. Other researchers, Jiang-Ning Zhou of the Netherlands Institute of Brain Research and his colleagues there and at Free University in Amsterdam, observed another part of the hypothalamus to be smaller in male-to-female transsexuals than in a male control group. These findings are consistent with suggestions that sexual orientation and gender identity have a significant biological component.”

Here’s a funny look at some of those differences from an Irishman. The Irish have a keen sense of humor which is fostered at a grass roots level from a young age! One of the things that I really miss about Ireland.

we all have different areas that can make us feel vulnerable, they come from undeveloped functions within ourselves. Mine is my body and the sensate function (Jungian terminology). So my vulnerability really shows up when I am unwell or physically tired. It is my greatest fear & also my greatest challenge when my health or body breaks down. Of course I demand so much from it that this can be a regular occurrence. I have spent what seems to be a lifetime trying to shore this area up, by learning as much as I can about health and healing, without actually going into a health profession.

If I am honest, my vulnerability comes from my tendency to not pay attention until it hurts - sort of a unconscious misconstruing of ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!’ I drive myself relentlessly until I fall down! However it is at these times that I have to swallow my pride and accept help and support from friends. It humanizes me for myself to start with, as well as for them. When I have to stop the race or slow down due to ill health, I am often gifted with dreams - messages from the unconscious which identify whether I am spiritually on track or not (and what needs to be done if I’m not!) So through experiencing my vulnerability in this raw way, I find myself learning more and relating better than when I am physically strong. So I have learnt that it is important to be self responsible for my vulnerable areas but also that it is not failure when I fall down, just to be open to receive the gifts that come with this territory.

Of course for others vulnerability shows up in different areas! Often for men it can be when their feelings take them over. Of course as women we already know the treasures that come from being taken over by how we really feel, but please be patient with men. Our culture has only recently allowed and encouraged men to express and participate in the feeling function. Some cultures allow it more than others and some groups within our cultures allow it more than others.

The important thing to remember for all of us is that our angels & our demons reside where our vulnerability lies. There is treasure and truth to be found and ultimately a more healthy balanced psyche. Whether we are dragged kicking & screaming or we wake up & find ourselves smack bang in the middle of our vulnerability, it is helpful to be open to what we can bring back with us from this treasure trove. This is particularly helpful in our relationships, so we can then free up our partners from carrying our unowned & disliked projections. One of the best things that I have drawn out of these experiences is compassion! Compassion for myself & my own challenges and of course later compassion for others & their challenges in being human! This is an organic & hands on way of cultivating compassion in our relationships to help them thrive.

Check out this guy who is not afraid to show his tears & vulnerability, and you can laugh along with him:

when I think about respect, Aretha’s words beat out in my head ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me!’ I know it means the world to me and I need to be able to respect someone to have a relationship with them. Of course respect starts at home, and this means that we must respect ourselves. Then we know when we are not being treated with respect in relationships, it then registers that there is something wrong. If we have no respect for ourselves, then being treated disrespectfully by others may not even register that this is not appropriate.

The word respect comes from the latin respectus meaning “regard,” lit. “act of looking back at one”. It seems that we need to get a bit of distance to clearly see and acknowledge another and are then able to extend this necessary attitude to them. Having an objective overview or picture of someone means we can more clearly see their strengths & gifts, including ourselves. This is nothing to do with ego, it is about clear acknowledgment and then understanding of others. It supports us in keeping clear boundaries and we can all thrive in the ensuing environment.

If I am treated with respect then I feel safe interacting with the person. Even though we may not understand each other all the time, respect often acts like a rope bridge that can carry us to the other shore (if we are interested enough in discovering it?) Of course by traveling to the other shore and getting to know the stranger that faces us, we have more possibility of real-ating with them.

The eight important points about respect:

1. Respect fosters trust, safety and relaxation in relationships.

2. Respect often has to be earnt, firstly by treating others with respect.

3. Being respectable doesn’t necessarily mean you deserve respect.

4. Respect fosters a safe environment where our differences can be appreciated & valued.

5. Respect adds value for everyone, it is a valuable service.

6. Respect starts with self respect.

7. Respect fosters respect in others.

8. Respect looks for honor in self and others and our behavior.

As a parting note, I will leave you with the Queen of Soul’s performance of Respect in 1990.

A good sense of humor and fun is to me one of the biggest pluses in relationships. It can change the color of your day when someone cracks a funny or you join someone in a spontaneous laugh at the ridiculous in our day to day lives or relationships. This morning I had a look at http://poormatch.com ‘The Worst Dating Site in the World’ where you can read the profiles from hell written by David McCandless.

The introduction reads: ‘welcome love seekers. Looking for love online? You won’t find it here. Fancy being put through the emotional wringer and experiencing a unique cocktail of hope and despair? You’ve come to the right place!

Over one million people have had lukewarm romantic encounters since joining Poormatch.com. Millions more spend evenings projecting their fantasies onto desperate people, often drunkenly. Through gritted teeth. Why not join today?’

Through the power of satire, it exposes some of the difficulties & dangers we can face on internet dating sites and puts a hysterical spin to it. If we couldn’t laugh then we would cry!

Of course a lot of people do find the love of their lives through the internet and a lot of sites are putting effort into becoming credible and to weed out the false profiles (from Nigerian hopefuls!) One of the big problems that I encountered when using the sites a few years back is that it is hard to find the people who are a real possible match with you. I wanted to get an overview of the possibilities & choose what would suit me. Obviously we all have different values and highest priorities in a match. And I find it really nice to be the one deciding, rather than relying on someone else or something else, like an internet dating site or a romantic assessment. Then if it doesn’t work out its just down to my bad choosing & judgment. It is just feels much more empowering!

After this foray into the internet dating world, I created the AstraMatch Meter using my astrological and relating wisdom. It scores a match between 2 people on 6 different categories and is based on their astrological relationship chart. It is live since last week, so give it a go & see how you score in your relationship. Share the link with your friends who may be navigating the single lane on the internet dating sites or social networks.

What is the worst that can happen when you meet a blind date live for the first time (well hopefully not this!)