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I’ve been reading the book On Beauty by Zadie Smith and am in the midst of a conflict between the married couple who are central to the plot. They are fighting because he had an affair and he says “‘It’s true that men – they respond to beauty…. it doesn’t end for them, this…. this concern with beauty as a physical actuality in the world – and that’s clearly imprisoning and it infantilizes…. but it’s true and….. I don’t know how else to explain what – ‘”

It seems men are attracted to physical beauty and so as a response to this women invest a lot into their appearance. According to a website called Beautyrank.com:

“There are seven main characteristics of a beautiful face:

1. Higher forehead - increased brain volume (intelligence)
2. Bigger eyes with long eye distance - improved clarity & vision angle
3. Dark and thin eyebrows - health & youthfulness
4. Longer and darker eyelashes - resistance to weather
5. Narrow nose - better filtration of air.
6. Full red lips - healthy offspring
7. Narrower face shape - less fat

What these factors mainly represent is fertility, intelligence and longevity.”

How do you measure up against this? This of course means that as women we spend a lot of time and resources on making ourselves into beauty that is not our own, so that we will be loved? But does it really equate to fertility, intelligence and longevity for which these physical cues are meant to represent? From the challenges in relationships these days, obviously not….. Try out our AstraMatch meter to see how your relationship measures up! Check out this video from Dove that shows how our perception of beauty these days is pretty much unreal!

Saw an interesting movie last nite, ‘The Lake House’, with Sandra Bullock & Keanu Reeves. It used a fascinating concept where the two people are separated by two years and connect via a ‘time warp’ letter box, the lake house and a scrawny dog called Jack. Time & timing in relationship was obviously the central theme? Bullock’s character Kate was 2 years ahead of Reeves character, Alex and suggested early in the movie:

‘It’s kind of a long distance relationship.’

During the movie, it frustrated the life out of me that she missed so many opportunities that could have facilitated them meeting. Poor ol’ Alex seemed to have to take responsibility for their connection (as he was living in the past). It was only when the penny dropped for Kate that she started paying attention and then they managed to meet for real!

Alex: ‘This house is about connections.’

Moral of the story: be careful not to be too far ahead of yourself in a relationship that you miss the other person & the connection!

Timing in a relationship requires that we pay attention to the other along as well as ourselves. In the movie the couple managed to bridge time through their letters: so reading & really listening to each other. I find that writing important stuff creates the space for myself to really say what is on my mind without the other person’s needs/issues getting in the way and then I can be really clear & honest. Of course, then it is great to get the other person’s feedback & really listen to that too without taking any of it personally. It’s all about clear communication, often difficult when we are trying to grab a few minutes out of our schedule. As a radio announcer said to me once: “We do everything in short sound bites on air. At home even when my wife wants to talk about our relationship, I say to her jokingly ‘Ok you’ve got 2 minutes to cover that!’ “

Seriously though it is amazing the effect listening to someone can have on them and of course on those doing the listening! The experience can be one of deep contentment and peace & promotes warm feelings at the very least, if not Love. It is such a reaffirming experience of being seen and understood as who you really are - precious!

Important note: remember though that listening does not require any fixing or changing!

Kate again: ‘I sometimes feel as if I’m invisible, as if no one can see me at all. I never felt that way when I lived at the Lake House.’

Heres a funny video about bad timing:

Meanwhile in Japan a chihuahua was born with a heart shaped mark on its coat. It is reputed that everyone who sees him becomes lucky and so to cover all angles here it is! Have a lucky week:

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” HH Dalai Lama

“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.” HH Dalai Lama

I’ve always felt that it takes just as much effort to be kind as it does to be mean or cruel. In some ways it feels less costly emotionally and doesn’t bind up all my mental energies as when I am mean. In later years I thought that maybe this is just a personal perspective but was interested to find the word ‘kind’ meaning friendly is derived from the Old English gecynde “natural, native, innate,” originally “with the feeling of relatives for each other”. The word ‘unkind’ meaning “lacking in kindness” is “strange, foreign, unnatural,” from un- (1) “not” + kind. So it seems that my feeling was more universal than I thought.

Here in the heart of ‘The City’ as London is called, kindness is hard to find as everyone struggles to survive as too many people are jambed into too small a space! One evening in a lift at the tube station, a man started lashing out at me with his hands & a cane (would you believe it!) I think I went into shock, first time being attacked, in a huge crowd of people and all that. However a couple of people broke out of their prickly protection and were very kind to me. One man put himself between me and the attacker which stopped the attack and a young woman stroked my arm saying ‘It will be ok!’ I stumbled out of the lift and another man picked up a button that flew off my coat after the attack. I walked up the street and another young business man caught up with me to see if I was ok. It was the kindness of these strangers that totally redeemed the whole situation & I came out of the shock and felt no bad feelings towards the attacker. I was amazed at how kindness had so much power to make a difference and easily discounted meanness & aggressiveness.

In our relationships, whether family, friend, work colleague or partner even a tiny expression of kindness can come back to us tenfold! Not only does it require less effort and makes you feel good to boot, it has such a power to transform others in their lives. Kindness also tends to spread, when someone has been kind to you your heart opens and makes it more possible to do the same for others. It is one of the best investments you can make in all your relationships as it will come back to you in ways you cannot imagine.

In our fast paced, highly pressured world now, giving or receiving a random act of kindness can change the colour of your day! Good relationships can be developed just on this simple philosophy alone - of random acts of kindness!

The planet Venus appears to be going backwards in the sky starting on 28th July and turning direct again on 9th September. In Astrology the planet Venus rules relating - mainly love & lust but all the other kinds of relationships too & of course the holders of Venus’s chalice Women! When Venus goes backward it is a time to reassess our relationships and relating needs & tools. I have seen relationships finish during these periods - the truth about what is happening or the people comes out and sometimes there is no going back. Sometimes people recommit to each other due to the learning that they go through during these periods. Venus had just gotten to early Virgo when she decided to backtrack so some ideas, details, criticisms and judgments about others may need to be re-addressed and now she is heading back into the end of Leo again. Leo is ruled by the Sun and represents our very hearts & creative expression. So this month of August in particular is a great opportunity to get in touch with what is happening to our hearts - healing broken hearts and sharing full hearts. ‘Share the Love!’ We definitely need to express our love and pain during this time so that when the ‘Queen’ Venus turns back once again on the 9th September, we will move forward again with her, with stronger relationships & tools for relating on a more intimate level!