The other day I read an article called ‘Study may explain roots of empathy’ which made me think about how close we should be with people or not? CHICAGO (Reuters) – ‘When people say “I feel your pain,” they do not mean it literally, but certain people really do feel something that appears to be an extreme form of empathy, British researchers said on Sunday.’

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I am fascinated with the shift when we meet people for real, with whom we originally connected with virtually. By virtual, I include the phone along with the web. Of course this is what the online dating sites have been struggling with for years – how to make that shift less traumatic and disappointing? I have found from past experiences myself, that a lot of interest and excitement can be generated in connecting with certain people online and on the phone. However when we meet, there is a shift to another level that has not been addressed virtually. Of course the odds are stacked against these levels matching the real, live experience of another or at the very least, offering real potential of connection. If virtual operates through the mind, then we have a lot to catch up with on other levels, when we meeting for real. Often real-ationships have to be reworked from the virtual or in some cases abandoned altogether.

The word virtual used to mean “influencing by physical virtues or capabilities,” from M.L. virtualis, from L. virtus “excellence, potency, efficacy,” lit. “manliness, manhood”. The meaning of “being something in essence or fact, though not in name” is first recorded 1654, probably via sense of “capable of producing a certain effect” (1432). Computer sense of “not physically existing but made to appear by software” is attested from 1959.
The word real however seems to have always meant “relating to things” (esp. property), from O.Fr. reel, from L.L. realisres “matter, thing,” of unknown origin. Meaning “genuine” is recorded from 1559; that of “actually existing” is attested from 1597; sense of “unaffected, no-nonsense” is from 1847. “actual,” from L.

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I sometimes wonder if anyone ever really knows another person? We are all such complex diamonds with so… many faces. We may show one or a few faces to each person but it is hard to show all to one person. It sometimes takes a lifetime to see our own faces, let alone another’s. Maybe it is just in our private moments that we really appear in a pure unadulterated state?

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beginnings are always challenging. Waiting to see what the new birth looks like???? I discovered the writer within, only 3 years ago and am filled with joy every time I put finger to keyboard now. But that still doesn’t diminish the excitement tinged with fear when the words come tumbling out onto the screen. Will they make sense & most of all will they bring meaning & profundity with them??? (As you can see I have high demands & expectations of my words!) This is my first post in my weblog as I have finally made the time in my busy life to start this process, creating sacred territory for this my first outpouring.

I have fought being a relationship expert most of my life, although other people kept putting me in that niche. The beginning of my ‘expert status’ started when very young: the eldest of 4 girls and my father was an airline pilot with Qantas so hardly ever home & after all those long hauls – he spent most of his time in recovery anyway when he returned. My mother was mostly in an ‘unable to cope’ state and so I grew up to be quite wise starting at the grand old age of 3. She would talk to me about her issues with my siblings & father & I had to give her support. My father had a great interest in psychology & people which I obviously inherited from him. He gave me a book ‘Games People Play’ by Eric Berne when I was not even a teenager. I developed my skills & awarenesses so I had something to talk to him about when he was available. Any realizations of my own were greeted with much desired attention & acknowledgment from him so I strained to develop in that area.

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